Hey guys and gals! I'm Sam, and I'm a born-and-raised '90s kid. That means I'm very obsessed with my fair share of Disney films. I was raised on them, they were my childhood, and I can even still smell the VHS tape cases.
So when I watched Disney's The Princess Diaries for the first time in years, I had more than a few questions about the film. And I NEED TO KNOW some answers!
1. First of all, I know we're supposed to believe Mia is not cool and all...but how can a teenager with a fire pole in their bedroom NOT be cool?!
2. Also, is Mia secretly a hipster? She wore nerdy glasses and rode around on a scooter before it was cool, so...
3. OK, I kind of remember this being the case, but how many of you knew that Whitney Houston (YUP, THAT WHITNEY HOUSTON) was one of the producers on the movie?!
4. OK, I know this is a Disney movie and we're supposed to suspend our disbelief but honestly what are the odds that Lana finds two best friends who are named "Anna" and "Fontana"?!
5. Also, not to hack away at the entire premise of the movie, but are we really supposed to believe that Mia had no idea at ALL that she might be related to someone royal, or famous, or well off? Like who was paying her tuition to a nice school in S.F. when her mom was spending all her free time popping paint balloons?!
6. If Mia is the only legitimate heir to the throne, why did Genovia wait until literally the last minute to prepare her for the role? It doesn't really seem in character for Queen Clarisse!
7. I'm not a political science major, but how does a country "cease to exist" if someone (aka Mia) doesn't ascend to the throne?! Can't they just find another royal?
8. On a more serious note, I know it was a different time, but how did an eating disorder joke make it into the final cut of a Disney film?! Not cool!
9. Was there any sexier early-'00s heartthrob than Erik von Detten? TBH I'd risk the throne for him too!
10. OK, I kind of want a spin-off romantic comedy with just Queen Clarisse and Joseph. Is anyone else in? Disney, how soon can we make this happen?
11. On the topic of spin-offs, can we ALSO get a movie, a mini-series, SOMETHING about Paolo and his assistants traversing the world? The gays demand it!
12. Moving on. Are you even a '90s kid if the reveal of the new, made-over Mia didn't shake you to the core? It still gives me chills to this day!
13. Speaking of the makeover, is it just me, or was Lilly kind of crossing a line when she made fun of Mia's new hairdo? Everyone deserves to feel their look!
14. I know I dragged Mia's mom already for her balloon art, BUT SHE DESERVES A FRESH ROUND OF CRITICISM. Are we supposed to be impressed by this? Kindergartners could create more museum-worthy pieces!
15. Joseph already commented that a store clerk asked if heels he purchased for Mia were for himself, and then Paolo made this comment. Are there actual gay jokes in a Disney movie?! Was The Princess Diaries more progressive than we give it credit for?!
16. Did anyone else catch this dinner scene joke as a kid, or did it go over all our heads? I cackled this time around!
17. On a related note, how did the school CONTINUE to let reporters camp ON LITERAL SCHOOL GROUNDS for days on end?! Shame on you, Vice Principal Gupta!
18. OK, we know Erik von Detten's character Josh is VERY self-centered, but really, who has a boat named after themselves?!
19. In hindsight, the beach scene is kind of creepy! Mia is 15 years old, and photographers are trying to get a shot of her with her clothes off. How is this OK?!
20. WHO HAS CHEERLEADERS, LED BY THE SCHOOL'S VICE PRINCIPAL, DURING GYM CLASS?! This was NOT a thing in my high school experience.
21. Was the "Lana got coned" scenes the most satisfying moment of our childhoods? MAYBE SO.
22. Was Mia's great escape plan REALLY to just drive to Colorado so she could climb boulders? Of all the options available, I'm not impressed TBH.
23. GIRL, IT WAS POURING CATS AND DOGS. I GET UBER WASN'T A THING YET BUT WHY DID YOU NOT CALL A CAB?
24. If this scene didn't make you want to jump out of your seat and cheer, do you have a soul? NO!
25. Finally, is "Miracles Happen" the most underrated song on a Disney movie soundtrack? My answer is a wholehearted "YES!"
CORRECTION
A section of this post was removed due to insensitive tone and inappropriate implication regarding children in wheelchairs. We regret the tone and subsequent implication deeply.