11 Things You Learn When You Attend The MTV Movie Awards

Lots of stars and an open bar.

The 24th MTV Movie Awards (basically the Oscars for movies people actually see) were last night, and I, a non-movie-star, somehow snagged a ticket.

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But I wasn't just hitting the show! I was covering the red carpet (actually, it was a lovely shade of blue) AND then hitting the awards show immediately after — meaning I was in for a full day of celebrity action. I lived to tell the tale — barely — and here's what I learned from my time at the 2015 MTV Movie Awards aka the longest day of my life...

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1. It's a LONG effing day if you're not an A-lister.

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The show started at 5 p.m. PT, which meant it conflicted with the season premiere of Game of Thrones. You would think the celebs would be a little upset about missing that! That sounds late in the day, right? WRONG. We had to check in at noon, and we were on the carpet by 1:30 p.m. The first wave of celebs arrived at 2:30 p.m., and the carpet closed 10 minutes before showtime. The major celebs who actually DO walk the carpet (some, like the Rock and Zac Efron) don't start arriving until 45 minutes before showtime, so you only have a short amount of time to soak in their vibes IRL!

And to top it off, the show ended at 7 p.m. BRUH.

That means start to finish, it's a full day of work!

2. Going to an awards show is basically the hardest workout you'll ever do.

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Things you can't do on the carpet: Eat or pee. Which are, like, the two most important things to do as a human being. You WERE able to take water bottles onto the carpet, thank the heavens, which brings me to my next point: THE CARPET IS HOT AS BALLS. IDK if you can tell by the above picture, but my co-worker Ashly and I were sweating up a storm while we were interviewing stars and had to towel off in between interviews.

Thankfully by the point we interviewed Tyler Posey and other stars we were in the shade, but I was disgusting by the time I got to actually walk into the event. And this is all even before the show starts!

Basically, I think the reason celebs look so good is because they stay in shape by going to awards shows.

3. The carpet is chaos.

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MTV

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The red/blue carpet is where PR battles are fought, where the men are separated from the boys, and where J.Lo is guaranteed to slay all your faves. Also, you'll be playing a game of "Wait, who's that random star?" for about three hours.

It's pretty easy to differentiate between who's a star and who isn't on the carpet (the stars are glowing with the light of a million suns, also they don't have those weird lanyard things with credentials that you thought you gave up after freshman year of college).

Also, aside from being hella hot, you're squeezed into a tiny space between other news outlets, so you better learn to play nice. We had The Sun, Reuters, and ET next to us. Luckily, they were pretty chill.

On top of it all, you have hundreds of fans lining the red carpet screaming for selfies with the celebs. So yeah, an awards show red carpet is the most chaotic piece of upholstery you'll ever encounter!

But my day was far from over...

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4. People get really, really excited about the open bar/free snacks.

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In the lobby there apparently was tons of free popcorn (I was starving but couldn't find the popcorn, which was sad, but I also hate popcorn so it wasn't THAT sad).

More important, there was an open bar with a line that stretched from here to eternity. Every commercial break, like, half the audience would get up and go and grab a drink. Because that's how you survive an awards show: DRINKING.

5. There are a lot of commercial breaks, and they mean so so so much to everyone in the show.

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These seem annoying when you're at home, but when you're at an awards show, they are a LIFESAVER because that's when you can pee and hit the open bar, which are basically the two things that are separating you from life and death.

6. The show will lit'rally overwhelm your senses.

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Maybe I'm an old cantankerous man on the inside, but the show was an assault on the senses! The music was really, really loud, whether the DJ was playing or one of the performers was on stage (Fall Out Boy needed to turn down their amps TBH).

It was really, really hot! The AC was definitely not on. Also, when the Rock took the stage to present the final award, you could FEEL the flames from the set behind him, and I was seated really far away.

And speaking of the set, it looked like they hired whoever draws The Simpsons, locked them in a room with every hallucinogenic drug imaginable, and told them to go to town. Actually, the set was designed by art duo Dabs Myla and featured the world's most terrifying popcorn bucket and a really creepy cat head. Why? The world may never know.

Also, that's Cara Delevingne on stage. She was basically the life of the party (more on that later).

7. After a long day, you will feel like a disgusting blob compared to everyone else in the audience.

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Obvi the celebs in the audience are smokin', but the rest of the theater was very good-looking too! Amy Schumer (the night's host) cracked some jokes about this but like...it was really true! Sometimes I felt myself people-watching in the REGULAR part of the seating during commercial breaks because there were so many thots around me.

On the other hand, you PERSONALLY will probably feel gross. Maybe it's because you're sweaty from being in the sun on the red/blue carpet for a few hours. Maybe it's because you're gravely dehydrated. Maybe it's because all you've had to eat since breakfast is a granola bar. Or maybe it's a combination of all three (JK it definitely is). Either way, no matter how well you're dressed, you'll feel gross. But you'll get over it really quick.

8. You're really close to the action. And by action, I mean the celebrities.

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The Nokia Theater seats about 7,000, which sounds like a lot of people, but you really are close to the action aka near the stars because the theater is really wide, but not deep (the far end of the stage with the cat seemed like a mile away, which is sad because that's where the Avengers and Magic Mike casts stood). That's Judd Apatow in the picture above, and he was seated in the ~prime~ area, to give you an idea of where the action was and also the distance.

But when he accepted his award, Channing Tatum was maybe 10 rows in front of me. Ten rows from Channing Tatum? What is this, heaven? NOPE, it's the MTV Movie Awards. Also, Vine star (that's a thing) Jerome Jarre was sitting in the row in front of me for like half an hour. I don't really know why, but he seemed really nice.

9. Speaking of celebrities, here are the weird/cool/insane things they did off-camera...

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— On the red/blue carpet, Kelly Osbourne would not go anywhere without her own personal umbrella holder. IDK, seems a little excessive!

— For some reason Charli XCX wore what looked like a rain jacket on the red carpet even though it was, like, 80 degrees and sunny out. But it was really cute!

— Tinashe and Tyler Posey were both super chill.

— Scarlett Johansson and Rebel Wilson being fierce blonde divas on the red carpet. Both ladies look hot and they know it.

— Cara Delevingne was either twerking to the music or chatting with fellow celebs at every commercial break (like Bradley Cooper). She seems really cool, like the type of chick who's down to get drunk pizza at 3 a.m. on a Friday night. I want to hang out with Cara.

— Amber Rose running to hit the open bar.

— John Green going wild every time Shailene Woodley won an award.

— John Green meeting Bradley Cooper. I think Cara introduced them.

— Chris Hemsworth stood way taller than all the other Avengers cast. Which, like, isn't surprising. HE'S SO TALL.

— Zac Efron's abs, just chilling in the audience before they went onstage.

— Jessie J looking like a glittery member of the Addams Family.

— The Fantastic Four cast rocking out as they walked back to their seats. Michael B. Jordan, Miles Teller, Kate Mara, and Jamie Bell seem pretty chill with one another.

— All the Teen Mom stars were seated separately from the movie stars. Actually, the movie stars/nominees had the best seats (obvi) and then as you got farther back the star wattage went down a bit.

— Miles Teller really DID speak from the heart when he gave his speech about Shailene Woodley; the teleprompter WAS off during the entire thing.

— Speaking of the teleprompter, it also DOES tell the celebs to "Please Wrap It Up" as John Green mentioned when he was accepting the award for The Fault in Our Stars.

10. You're thankful the show is a (relatively) short one.

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The event was over in two hours, which is child's play by awards show standards — it seemed like a breeze after prepping for and spending time on the carpet for FIVE-PLUS HOURS. And for that, MTV, my empty stomach and I are eternally grateful.

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11. J.Lo is an utterly faultless goddess and we should all be thankful to live on the same planet as her.

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When you're in J.Lo's presence, everything stops. You forget how to articulate words, your mouth goes dry, your body freezes up, and the only thing you can really do is stare and pay your respects.

But you knew how perfect she is already, didn't you?