11 Things You Learn When You Attend The MTV Movie Awards

    Lots of stars and an open bar.

    The 24th MTV Movie Awards (basically the Oscars for movies people actually see) were last night, and I, a non-movie-star, somehow snagged a ticket.

    1. It's a LONG effing day if you're not an A-lister.

    2. Going to an awards show is basically the hardest workout you'll ever do.

    3. The carpet is chaos.

    The red/blue carpet is where PR battles are fought, where the men are separated from the boys, and where J.Lo is guaranteed to slay all your faves. Also, you'll be playing a game of "Wait, who's that random star?" for about three hours.

    It's pretty easy to differentiate between who's a star and who isn't on the carpet (the stars are glowing with the light of a million suns, also they don't have those weird lanyard things with credentials that you thought you gave up after freshman year of college).

    Also, aside from being hella hot, you're squeezed into a tiny space between other news outlets, so you better learn to play nice. We had The Sun, Reuters, and ET next to us. Luckily, they were pretty chill.

    On top of it all, you have hundreds of fans lining the red carpet screaming for selfies with the celebs. So yeah, an awards show red carpet is the most chaotic piece of upholstery you'll ever encounter!

    But my day was far from over...

    4. People get really, really excited about the open bar/free snacks.

    5. There are a lot of commercial breaks, and they mean so so so much to everyone in the show.

    6. The show will lit'rally overwhelm your senses.

    7. After a long day, you will feel like a disgusting blob compared to everyone else in the audience.

    Obvi the celebs in the audience are smokin', but the rest of the theater was very good-looking too! Amy Schumer (the night's host) cracked some jokes about this but like...it was really true! Sometimes I felt myself people-watching in the REGULAR part of the seating during commercial breaks because there were so many thots around me.

    On the other hand, you PERSONALLY will probably feel gross. Maybe it's because you're sweaty from being in the sun on the red/blue carpet for a few hours. Maybe it's because you're gravely dehydrated. Maybe it's because all you've had to eat since breakfast is a granola bar. Or maybe it's a combination of all three (JK it definitely is). Either way, no matter how well you're dressed, you'll feel gross. But you'll get over it really quick.

    8. You're really close to the action. And by action, I mean the celebrities.

    9. Speaking of celebrities, here are the weird/cool/insane things they did off-camera...

    10. You're thankful the show is a (relatively) short one.

    11. J.Lo is an utterly faultless goddess and we should all be thankful to live on the same planet as her.