I have something to admit: I'm a bit of a closeted Kim Kardashian fan. I love her sense of style, the fact that she's risen to the top of the celebrity food chain, and her incredible hustle. You can't knock Kim's hustle!
Most of all, I'm here for her unapologetic self-promotion on her Instagram, aka her series of #iconic selfies. It should come as NO surprise that she has a book — appropriately titled Selfish — devoted to her selfies. I knew I had to give it a read.
Without further ado, these are the krazy behind-the-scenes facts about Kim, her career, her friends, and her family that I learned from reading Selfish (twice, I might add):
1. Kim took her first selfie in 1984. It was on a disposable camera, and her sister Khloé was also in the picture. #Memz
2. Kim claims she "never really travelled" until she met Paris Hilton. Apparently, the blonde reality star showed Kim "a whole new world." Classic Paris!
3. According to Kim, your car is the best place for a selfie "before you step out into the madness." Unlike Kim, however, most of us are not faced with an onslaught of paparazzi when we exit our motor vehicle; I would take this with a grain of salt.
4. Apparently, Kim has a near-photographic memory. She claims she can look at any picture of herself and remember not only where the photo is from, but who she was with AND who did her hair and makeup. Impressive!
5. Kim uses the word "glam" as a noun, verb, and adjective. I did not know you could do this before reading Selfish.
6. Kim really likes getting her hair and makeup done, and calls it "therapeutic."
7. Kim has been to Indianapolis. IDK, I just find this kind of surprising! Now I want to know what other random places she's been. Has she been to Des Moines? What about Omaha? Has she been to Sioux City???
8. At some point in 2008, Kim's "BFF" Brittny Gastineau woke her up and made her go clubbing in L.A. According to Kim, she had "5 seconds to get ready." That sounds like a pretty shitty BFF to me, TBH.
9. Kim claims she "almost fainted" the first time she met Jennifer Lopez. As someone who also has met J.Lo, I can attest to this feeling.
10. In 2009, Kim missed her on-air segment for E! because of a ripped zipper. I wonder what assistant or producer was sacrificed to the reality gods by Kris Jenner that night...
11. Also that year, Kim watched the Emmys with Ryan Seacrest. Then she went home and "ate Cup Noodles in bed."
12. Also, Kim apparently has multiple BFFs. She already has listed Brittny Gastineau as one, she goes to on to introduce La La Anthony as another (Ciara introduced the two). I'm guessing she counts her sisters and stepsisters as BFFs? That's a lot of BFFs, regardless.
13. Kim "secretly" wishes she were a makeup artist. I guess that's not a secret anymore!
14. On page 104 of the book, Kim captions her selfie "purple eyeshadow mermaid shoot." I'm not sure what this means...but I'm here for it.
15. Fun tidbit: In 2009, Kim took a selfie with designer Vera Wang. Wang would go on to design Kim's wedding dress when she married Kris Humphries. They would divorce 72 days after walking down the aisle. #RIP
16. Also in 2009, Kim took a selfie at a red light. She later acknowledges, "I think that's illegal now." According to the California DMV (assuming this selfie WAS taken in California), Kim is correct!
17. According to Kim, some embarrassing high school selfies didn't make the book. I WANT TO SEE THESE NOW!!!
18. By Kim's definition, the "best photo bomb ever" occurred in Punta Mita, Mexico, in 2009. Rob Kardashian took the picture; Kim was the photobomber. I find this to be a fairly heady claim, but a I trust Kim's judgment and will defer to her.
19. Kim is on a first-name basis with tennis star Serena Williams. Although to be fair, how many other Serenas do you know out there?
20. Kim apparently has a sense of humor! In a series of pictures with her dog, she captions: "Rocky!!! How original, a boxer named Rocky." (Rocky is a boxer, as in the dog breed. I can only infer that she is also referring to the movie Rocky, which is about a boxer, as in the athlete. It's clever, you have to admit.)
21. In 2010, Kim took a selfie in Spain because she finally got to eat something after being really hungry for a while. It's the little things, isn't it?
22. Also, "Spain was a wild trip" according to Kim. I can only imagine.
23. Apparently, Kim was known for having the "ugliest pajamas" to the point her sisters had an "intervention" over it. I can only imagine Khloé roasting Kim over her PJs, which look like the type I wore in preschool.
24. "I'm obsessed with contour." Actually, we already knew this.
25. In 2011, Kim took a selfie with Kelly Rowland. What would Beyoncé think about this?
26. Kim is a lightweight! In 2011, she went out to dinner with designer Rachel Roy. She had one drink and was "wasted LOL." So I guess Kim K has the tolerance of a college freshman at their first frat party.
27. Kim recommends bedroom selfies because "you know your makeup looks good so you have to take a pic." Noted!
28. Kim loves trying "new looks."
29. Another thing she loves? "Bathroom selfies." Personally, I try to avoid taking selfies in the room I poop in...but I'm not Kim Kardashian!
30. In 2011, Kim said she enjoyed "testing filters" on Photobooth...but it's literally three pictures with the heat vision filter.
31. Kim may love new looks and bathroom selfies, but her favorite? "Bikini selfies."
32. In 2012, Kim was "obsessed" with body chains. Thankfully, that obsession died out, just like her pop music career (RIP "Jam (Turn It Up)").
33. It took 226 pages, but Kim finally admits to fucking up a selfie: She tried to show off her KW earrings, but the W was upside down in the first picture. Thankfully, she retook the picture. CRISIS AVERTED.
34. Kim repeats for the THIRD time that she remembers all the details of every selfie she takes. Apparently, what she doesn't remember is how often she repeats things.
35. Case in point: On page 254, Kim says, "Bikini selfies are my fave," a mere 30 pages after she first mentions this!!!
36. There's a special section of the book printed on black paper of Kim's more ~risqué~ selfies (aka lots of boob and butt). According to Kim, these weren't originally supposed to make it into the book, but they made it online during last year's iCloud hack.
37. Kim says she's "not mad at them LOL." I'm not sure if she's referring to the hackers — if she is, that's nice of her — or the pictures themselves, which would make more sense, because she looks fantastic in them.
38. Also, Kim seems confused as to how the pictures made it online, as they were taken with a BlackBerry and she doesn't have iCloud. "It's all a mystery!" she says.
39. On page 285, Kim captions her selfies "#Tanlines." She is NOT lying — her tan lines are really bad!
40. Kim has a selfie of just her butt that she apparently took to "send to my husband for a little inspiration." I'm assuming she means Kanye. But what exactly is she trying to inspire? #MYSTERIES
41. When Kim gets a spray tan, Kanye calls it a "Ye-tan." Classic Kanye!
42. Kim asserts you should "never do anything drastic to your appearance" during a pregnancy and calls her bangs a "mistake" but also tosses in an "LOL" so it doesn't seem she's too torn up.
43. Kim sat next to Donatella Versace at her first Met Ball, way back in 2013. This, of course, warranted a selfie (it was also the first time she met the designer).
44. ALSO occurring at 2013's Met Ball: Kim chatted up Madonna. Apparently, Kim's family were neighbors with Madonna's manager in the '80s. Madge crashed with her manager for a while; Kim would see her every day when Kim walked the family's dog. Madonna gave her some neon jewelry she "didn't want anymore."
45. Kim was really excited about getting Madonna's hand-me-downs. "At 8 years old I went to school and bragged that Madonna gave it to me." And all I had was old clothes from my older cousins!
46. In 2013, Kanye took Kim to shoe designer Giuseppe Zanotti's factory, where they designed shoes for her birthday. According to Kim, this was a "dream come true!"
47. Kim believes in something she calls the "#PowerOfTheSelfie." After reading this book, I do too.
48. Kim loves taking Photobooth pictures with her daughter, North. She's "fascinated by the computer." North, that is. Although Kim might be too!
49. Kim believes she hasn't taken as many selfies as she did during a 2014 trip to Thailand. That includes the iconic selfie where she was attacked by an elephant!
50. On page 354, Kim poses the question: "How many pics does it take to get the perfect selfie?" But she never answers the question. We need answers, Kim! SOME DAMN ANSWERS!!!
51. In 2014, Kim borrowed her half-sister Kylie Jenner's bathing suit. She had no intention of giving it back. I wonder if Kylie found out via the book?
52. And on a final note: Kylie's bathroom apparently has the best lighting in Kris Jenner's house; Kim would do her makeup there when she was living with her mom.
And those are the KRAZY facts I learned from reading Selfish!
You can pick up your copy of Selfish now!
In a truly SELFISH error, this post originally incorrectly identified Kylie Jenner as Kim's stepsister. Kylie and Kim are actually half-sisters.