1. I'm so excited for Freshman Orientation. — I've heard how much of a shitshow Freshman Orientation is from my older sibling, but I'm trying to play it cool.
2. I can't wait for Syllabus Week. — No real homework + going out every night of the week = best week of the year.
3. Not having Friday classes will be so good for me. — I'm going out a minimum of three nights a week all semester.
4. I have a really tough schedule this semester. — I have Friday classes and/or a class that starts before 11 a.m.
5. I'm so excited to study abroad. — I'm so excited for a semester of crazy traveling, amazing food, and bopping nightlife, with minimal academic commitments.
6. I need to go to my professor's office hours. — I didn't do so hot on the last exam and I need the professor to think I'm taking this class seriously so it doesn't fuck up my GPA.
7. I'm not going out tonight. — I'm too hungover to go out tonight.
8. I think I might stay in tonight. What are you doing? — There's a strong chance I'm going to rally at 9 p.m. to go out tonight.
9. I think I'm moving off campus after this year. — I want more space and the ability to actually host parties next year.
10. OMG, my dorm room looks so cute. — Praise the Ikea and Target gods, my dorm room looks semi-inhabitable.
11. I'm going to this lecture tonight, it sounds interesting. — There's free pizza at this lecture tonight, so of course I'm going.
12. I'm going to grab dinner, want to come? — We need to line our stomachs before we go out.
13. I really need to do laundry! — I ran out of clean underwear.
14. I'm, like, so broke. — I've had ramen noodles for dinner the last three nights.
15. I have the perfect outfit for tonight. — I plan on getting some tonight.
16. I'm planning on writing a senior thesis. — I'm an overachiever, and I need to make sure you know that.
17. Did you do the reading? I skimmed it. — I didn't do the reading.
18. Do I REALLY need to get the textbook? Do I really need to go to the bookstore to drop $300 on a textbook that my professor wrote?
19. I'm going to the library after class to study. — I'm going to the library and will spend most of my time on Facebook and Tumblr, but will start studying at the last possible moment.
20. That's so cool that you're majoring in English! — I'm judging you.
21. I'm thinking of changing my major. — I have no clue what I want to do with my life and I need you to tell me that it's going to be OK.
22. Oh, I think I met him at a party once. — We drunkenly made out at a party once.
23. I feel so bloated. — I had like seven beers last night and then ate half a pizza, so yeah, I feel like shit.
24. Wait, quiet down, I don't want my RA to hear us. — I need to stay on my RA's good side after last weekend.
25. Let's go to the football game this weekend. — Who's down for a full day of tailgating on Saturday?
26. I'm so excited for spring break. — We're cramming six people into a hotel room and the week is going to be a nightmare but I'm still trying to convince myself this is a good idea.
27. I need to get an internship for this summer. — I should have started applying a month ago and I really, really need to pad my résumé.
28. I have a paper due next week. — I have a paper I plan on starting next week.
29. I have a group project due next week. — I need to figure out if I'm the person who does all the work for the group project before next week.
30. I've started studying for finals week. — I'm in the process of figuring out the lowest possible grade I can get on my final in order to pass this class.
31. OMG, you'll never guess who I hooked up with last night! — I totally made out with the same guy again last night, and you definitely saw it too, but now we're talking about it.
32. I think we're going to a house party tonight. — We don't feel like going to the bars with all the underage kids with fake IDs.
33. I think we're going to the bars tonight. — We couldn't find any good house parties to go to.
34. My roommate is driving me crazy! — My roommate borrowed my shirt AGAIN without asking.
35. I love my roommate. — My roommate drives me crazy most of the time, just not at the moment.
36. We should go to Jack's! He's having a pregame. — I want to hook up with Jack tonight.
37. Don't worry, I have booze. — I have six beers and half a handle of vodka left over from last weekend, but please bring chasers.
38. Just one more drink. — We're going to be out for at least another two hours.
39. What happened last night? We lost you! — All right, who did you go home with last night? SPILL!
40. I just woke up. Brunch? — We need to talk about all the shit that went down last night!
41. I'm so hungover. — Oops, we did it again.
42. I don't know what I'm doing after I graduate. — I'm panicking about my entire future, but also, where are we going out tonight?
43. I might go to grad school. — I don't know what I'm doing after I graduate, so I need to delay entering the real world for another few years.
44. I'm so ready to graduate. — I'm a little bit over how cramped it gets by senior year, but college really is the best, isn't it?