1. This Google search for the vision-impaired:
Computer, show me close-up picture of pumpkin soup
2. Evidence that Carrie Fisher is way funnier than you or I will ever be:
In Carrie Fisher's home hung this portrait she described as "an unhappy woman that looks like Kevin Spacey" and I'v… https://t.co/n6ayzbnYZ1
3. This SICK joke:
[blind date] HER: I am so against vaccines ME {trying to impress her}: I have polio
4. This wholesome meme:
5. And this one too:
6. Proof that cats shouldn't be real but they are anyway:
Can u act like a regular cat for ONE DAY
7. This accurate depiction of when you're in a irresponsible friend's car and say to yourself, This is how I'm going to die:
when youre in someones car and they are driving while taking snapchats blasting the radio and answering texts 20 mp… https://t.co/kC1K2FOrBF
8. This mashup between a critically acclaimed movie...and La La Land:
La La Land (2016)
9. And this horror movie mashup, which definitely wouldn't be a drag:
The Shining (1980)
10. This sky-high scenario:
"this is the captain speaking, letting you know that all you passengers can get fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked"
11. When you don't know when to laugh or die of secondhand embarrassment:
MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED
12. This epic renaming of clam chowder:
i got nothin against new england. love their hot fish yogurt
13. The one Migos meme to rule them all:
My manager said "rain drop" So we said drop top. Why he said "some of y'all been lying on y'all time clocks" ....
14. This excellent question:
🎷 WHY 🎷 CLAP 🎷 BETWEEN 🎷 WORDS 🎷 WHEN 🎷 YOU 🎷 CAN 🎷 BLAST 🎷 A 🎷 SAXOPHONE 🎷 INSTEAD 🎷
15. What to say when people kwestion the Kardashians:
you cannot tell me Kylie has no talent when she drives her Ferrari in a heeled condom
16. When you call 'em like you see 'em:
i bet this baby doesnt even fucking skate fucking poser
17. The best play on words ever:
[date] HER: Any hobbies? ME: I collect old comics HER: Oh! Like 1st editions? ME: [flashback to Billy Crystal tied up in basement] Sure
18. Don't question how these words ended up together in this order, just roll with it:
If you're going to play Mad Libs go hard or go home.
19. And finally, this way too accurate description of different social media platforms:
Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.