18 Things To Do To Make Sure People Know You're A Big, Strong Man

    Step one: Feelings don't exist, especially for a big, strong man like yourself.

    SamLeightonDore
    by SamLeightonDore

    BuzzFeed Contributor, Australia

    1. The first thing to remember is that men technically don’t have feelings.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    A good rule of thumb is to ignore all that murky stuff called “feelings”. If you want to stay afloat, you need to suck it up. Oh, and burying all of this deep down will have absolutely no consequences on your actions or general well-being.

    2. And if you feel like you’re drowning in worries, then you are absolutely NOT allowed to ask for help.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Asking for help suggests weakness. Do you really want to be seen as weak?

    3. Toxic masculinity is a myth, just like Darwin’s “theory of evolution”.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Toxic masculinity was invented by women and little, weak men. But newsflash, there’s nothing wrong with us!

    4. If you want to be a man, you have to TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Toughen up! Suck it up! Cop it on the chin! Take it like a man!

    To be honest, we're given all the guidance we need to be impressive, strong men from the moment we're born. We just need to focus on and embrace the crippling weight of societal expectation!

    5. Big muscles and expensive cars are ESSENTIAL to scoring big with the ladies.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    When it comes to achieving your goal of presenting as a big, strong, manly man, your possessions and physical appearance are of the utmost importance. Nothing screams ~secure masculinity~ quite like a very loud sports car you really can’t afford.

    6. And if you want to get a date, headless torsos are the way to go.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    On the topic of internet dating or mastering Tinder, nothing impresses a romantic prospect quite like a cropped photo of your glistening torso after a nice, hot shower at the gym. Bonus points for quoting Fight Club in your profile description. Trust me, women love that!

    7. Even when it comes to emojis, you have to maintain a front of being extremely tough and manly.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Some great emoji options for expressing your super strong, increasingly pervasive masculinity include the flexed bicep (a classic) and the skull. There's also a great red angry face emoji that can generally be used in place of a smiley one.

    8. By all means possible, STAY AWAY FROM ART!

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Let's be real, contemporary art is so steeped in "emotion" and "political discourse" that it's generally not worth your time. I'd recommend looking back on the good old days, when strong men simply erected statues of other strong men. Statue of David? A classic.

    9. No seriously, art is for the biggest of wusses and needs to be AVOIDED!

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    NOTHING TO SEE HERE! Just emotionally impenetrable men appreciating the good, hard, sweaty work of other emotionally impenetrable men!

    10. Overcompensation is KEY to scoring masculinity points.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Look, everyone has their shortcomings. I mean, not me, but you get my drift. The most important thing is to overcompensate for each and every one of them. If you're short, get bigger muscles! If you're small downstairs, get a motorbike! Simple.

    11. Always, always, ALWAYS keep your vulnerabilities to yourself.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Nobody wants to hear about your childhood traumas and resulting psychological complexes because they don’t exist! Feelings shouldn't be hard. Only abs should be hard. YOU SHOULD BE HARD!

    12. Avoid all self-improvement guides. They're scams for the weak-minded.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Words and ideas are ENTIRELY unhelpful when it comes to improving your life as a big, strong man. Something you might like to try instead is punching a wall or belittling someone of a smaller physical stature! That’s much more helpful than a dumb book full of useless words.

    13. Don't be fooled by sensitive new-age media.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    So many media outlets these days are secretly championing "sensitivity" and "emotional vulnerability" for men. It's best to avoid articles altogether and focus on the pictures.

    14. And on that note, it’s generally a good idea to read less books.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man / Via GIPHY

    Books are for people who don’t spend enough time at the gym. They also peddle dangerous ideas about what it means to be “masculine”, so you’re better off not listening to them. And if there’s one book you should definitely stay away from, it’s this one.

    15. Make sure you take your masculine energy with you to work.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    It’s all well and good to be a big, strong man at home – but being masculine is a 24/7 gig. It helps to decorate your office space with posters of hot swimwear models and buckets of protein powder. By doing this, your co-workers will come to respect your status as a man.

    16. And if you want to be successful, the best way to do that is to treat them mean, keep them keen!

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    It might sound simple, but people generally respect being spoken down to and treated with an air of confidence. Being mean is a sexy and desirable quality for men. Just ask anyone!

    17. Not all moods are meant for men. It's important to learn which ones are manly and which aren't.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    The good thing about avoiding emotions is that they can generally be redirected into loud and proud displays of masculinity. Feeling sad and doubtful? Bury that for a few days and express it through rage!

    18. And the last rule, life can be hard, so you just have to be harder.

    Samuel Leighton-Dore / How To Be A Big Strong Man

    Nobody's denying that life can be challenging at times. The best way to cope is to not think about it. Seriously, ignore all the hard parts, puff out your chest and march on like the soldier you are!