The Rules Of Dating When You Were A Kid

Romance was a lot simpler when you didn’t actually have to talk to each other…

1. When you were a kid, letting someone know you liked them was easy. You chased them.

3. Or if that failed, you went for the pencil case.

Steal it, throw it away, attack with a compass: either way you’re saying ‘I long for you with every inch of my being’.

4. Once your feelings had been made clear, you sent in an emissary.

Usually his or her best friend with a simple question: ‘will you go out with me?’.

5. Then all you could do was wait and hope they said yes.

6. If they did - result! You could then never talk to or look at each other again. Except to swap notes like this.

7. Or this.

‘If destroyed still true love’. Hopefully not legally binding.

8. School discos were the big social event of the year, where boys and girls kept their distance…

9. …until it was time for the ‘slow dance’.

During which it was important to keep each other at arm’s length and never, ever make eye contact.

10. Yeah, school discos were the most romantic night of your young life.

11. Providing you had a partner, of course. Otherwise they were kind of depressing.

12. After school discos, Valentine’s Day was the most important time of year. A good card was vital.

13. Homemade was always the way to go.

15. Along with a present that was both subtle and cool.

16. And a rose. You had to have a rose.

Plastic, or silk. And only one mind - you weren’t made of money.

17. As you got a bit older, communication got a little easier. You’d spend hours on the phone in your bedroom.

Or if you didn’t have a cordless, your parent’s bedroom.

18. Or chatting on MSN.

‘I sent that message ages ago… why haven’t they replied yet?’

19. Eventually, you might even graduate to hanging out in your room.

But even there, privacy was an issue.

20. The only thing that was certain is that it wouldn’t last forever.

At some point, the message would come through: ‘you’re dumped’. And with that you’d experience a pain both ancient and primal, yet somehow worse than anything anyone else has ever felt in the whole of human history.

21. For a few days, at least. Then you’d dust yourself off and start the whole sorry business all over again.

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