1. Setting up the goal.
Can be made of anything, preferably clothing or school bags. When the ball comes into contact with the post, a consensus must be reached on whether it was a goal, wide or ‘in off’ [the post].
2. Cross bar
The exact height varies from goal to goal, decided on a case by case basis. Whether the goalie could have conceivably reached the shot is a useful guideline.
2. Picking teams.
There are two common methods for picking the sides.
The owner of the ball and the best player take turns picking until the worst player is left (feeling a bit like they want to cry).
2. Picking numbers
One player to turn their back while the others are allocated numbers which are then used to randomly* assign teams.
*cheating via coughs, nods or hidden hand gestures is rife in the game.
Any player is entitled to give a running commentary on their own performance, usually when on a solo dribble. E.g. He takes on one, he takes on two, he shoots! - Ooooooh, it’s just wide!
6. Wembley Singles / Doubles
When there are not enough players to make up two teams, individuals or pairs play against each other shooting at one goal. As always, the worst player goes in nets.
Scottish footballer Alex James, Wembley, 1932, Getty
9. Rush keeper / First man back.
When everyone refuses to play in nets, there are two options.
1. Rush keeper
Enables goalies to switch temporarily to an outfield position during the match, including going on solo runs and scoring goals.
2. First man back
Dictates that any outfield play can become the goalkeeper, depending on who gets back to the goal first when defending an attack.
10. No goal mooching / blasting.
Further safe guards for nervous ‘keepers can be enforced.
1. No mooching / poaching
A crude variation of the offside rule, this is to prevent lazy players or ‘glory hunters’ from hanging around the opposition goal waiting for a Lineker-style tap in.
2. No blasting
This rule prevents anyone from kicking the ball with excessive force within a few feet of the goalmouth.