1. The first floor of a building is on the second floor. You start at the "ground" floor.
2. Salt Beef is their national food, which tastes like a better version of corned beef.
3. They also call granola "flapjack." Which is weird but they happen to cover it in butter and that is A+.
4. This company plans to lead the Mexican revolution in London via burritos.
5. According to my calculations these cranes have been here since at least the 17th century.
6. They are still trying to make kreplach happen.
7. This snack made me extremely uncomfortable.
8. This yogurt also made me very uncomfortable.
9. So did this bunny.
10. And this brand name.
11. OK everything made me uncomfortable.
12. They don't refrigerate their eggs???
13. The pizza I had was actually good!
14. A giant river flows through the middle of the city. NYC REALLY needs this feature. 34th street may be the right candidate for it?
15. It's impossible not to say "it's not me" when you pass this chain restaurant.
16. If you want to rent something, you have to "let it." Like they will let you have it.
17. An apartment is called a flat. A real sentence you could say to someone is "I need to let a flat."
18. The British are overly apologetic about everything, even their construction!
19. A popular chain of cell phone stores has "carphone" in it's name.
20. You don't wait in a line, or on a line. You queue.
21. Subtle vaginas are in advertising everywhere.
22. They have a whole restaurant chain based on that Rob Schneider sketch.
23. Everything is literal in London. The subway is called the "underground." "Subways" there are actually underground paths that lead you from one side of the street to the other.
24. The subways were extremely far underground too! At least three to four stories down? Maybe more.
25. One subway line I used had these guards around the track. These could save a ton of lives in NYC. Why don't we have them?
26. Some of their items have sexier names. Like instead of referring to milk options as "low-fat" they call them less skim, which doesn't make you feel as bad for choosing it.
27. "Pulp", which makes it sound more like wood residue, is called "bits." And to make it sound even better they call it Juicy Bits. Who wouldn't want to try that out?
28. Strollers are called "pushchairs."
29. Instead of "aged" cheddar, their cheese is "mature."
30. Even the banks are literal in their naming.
31. Exits are referred to as "way out." And it's impossible not to read this and think of that song from Rocky. THERE'S NO EASY
32. Ground beef is "minced" beef which makes it sound more like it comes from a Disney movie.
33. There was almost always a chance of rain.
34. Slipping on a wet floor is MUCH more fun in London.
This guy is having more fun than I've ever had in my entire life combined
35. Fun quiz to play with locals: Is this the security fence at Buckingham Palace or a velociraptor cage?
36. There is ample parking room outside Buckingham Palace.
37. Abbey Road, where the Beatles took that famous album cover, is EXTREMELY dangerous! This is a normal street with traffic, and thousands of people are trying to take photos as cars try to pass.
I was literally scared for my life trying to take this photo.
38. They are clever with their pub names.
39. Paper towels are called nappies which makes you want to keep them because how could you trash something with a cute name like "nappies"!?
40. In NYC they ask you to "Watch the gap." In London you gotta mind it!
41. I found the most depressed man in the world.
42. The U.S. Embassy looks EXACTLY like a Starbucks!
43. There are faces EVERYWHERE.
O_o
44. : |
45. "Organic Land" is a magical place where their beverages come from.
46. Some of their advertising required too much of a commitment.
47. Even their graffiti sets unrealistic expectations for us.
48. Here, I stumbled upon some sort of horse ceremony. I guess they have ceremonies for horses??
They then marched through town and through this gate; I assume they flew off into the sky after that.
49. They should consider upgrading the Wi-Fi outside the Natural History Museum. It was too spotty and I kept losing the connection.
50. Triceratops were DEFINITELY illuminati.
51. I also didn't know dinosaurs had poles sticking out of them. You learn something new every day!
52. There is an actual place named "Cockfosters."
53. Britons are SUPER AFRAID of the elderly. These signs are everywhere.
54. This phrase has no borders.
55. Faux cronuts also have no border.
56. Their models have giant skulls.
57. People politely wait to cross the street until the signs tell you to.
58. They take their bacon VERY seriously.
59. Take a break from this post right now and giggle with me.
60. There aren't many skyscrapers in London, so most of the taller buildings are architecturally very nice!
61. What people often mistake for being the "London Bridge" is actually the "Tower Bridge."
62. While the bridge was built over 100 years ago, many people don't know that this Starbucks has been there since before the bridge was built. Wow!
63. These bags of rocks near the bridge seem to be holding the entire city together.
64. You walk A TON when visiting London. This is how many steps I walked in a single day while walking around London. U JELLY?
65. There is a really cool art display of fake flowers happening outside the Tower of London.
66. Starbucks carries gelt?
67. After many days, something exciting finally happened to me! I stopped to take a photo of this sign.
68. Exactly two seconds after I stopped, a car drove by and splashed this water on the sidewalk ahead of me. If I hadn't stopped to take a photo of the sign I would have been covered with puddle water. That sign saved my life.
69. Back to the reason I took a photo of the sign. The "SE1" on that sign is a zip code. Zip codes in London are SUPER specific and can get you to exactly where you need to go! Cab drivers don't even ask you for the address, they just wanna know the zip.
70. Locals are confused by the fact that their cars drive on the wrong side of the street and need constant reminders for which way to look when crossing.
71. The driving rules have confused all Londoners. Some sidewalks worked the opposite way where you walk on the right side of the direction you are following.
72. But then on some streets people walked according to car rules.
And some places in the subway followed the right side rules. It's all VERY confusing and inconsistent. Walking around London is basically a giant game of pinball.
73. This guy is disappointed in all of it.
74. Shopping areas are called Arcades, which makes them sound much cooler.
75. (I'm pretty sure that this is a warning.)
76. Most retail stores are super inefficient in that near escalators were not all going in the same direction. You'd have to walk all the way around to keep going down.
77. Their idea of "out of stock" actually means fully in stock.
78. Having your drink "freshly whizzed" is an option.
79. The Share-A-Coke campaign had very British names.
"I have me mum's Coke."
80. Native only to the United Kingdom is the beautiful and majestic Pearcock.
81. They do not believe in sneeze guards, so you have to thoroughly wash your bread before eating it.
82. It's OK to write "ass" on public signage.
83. Toward the end of the trip I realized I might not have enough to talk about for this post — so I started panicking. This is what a U.K. iPhone plug looks like compared to the U.S. WHY ARE THEIR PLUGS SO BIG?
84. And surge protectors? You might as well not protect yourself from surge with these giant blocks.
85. Most toilets have two options to conserve water. Press the top for #1 and press both for #2.
86. Toilets also held less water, which is why you would find a brush near most of them because you would need to clean up after yourself.
87. Light switches are tiny too.
88. Outlets have switches, although I was too scared to ever click one to see what it did.
89. The airport was very guest-friendly. In the U.S. airports don't want you hanging around. Heathrow had ample space to spend time with whomever you want.
90. They even had multiple rows for curbside drop-off and no mean police officers telling you to scram.
91. You "reclaim" your baggage instead of simply claiming it.
92. The best thing about transatlantic flights is that there is no Wi-Fi on the plane. I had tried to watch this movie four times on a previous flight but kept getting distracted. This time I got to finish it.
93. ALAS! America missed me! Look at how many people were waiting for me to return.
94. And the most important thing I learned is that the globe on Facebook rotates depending on where you are in the world.
