1. Alright let's get me into college.
2. Wait what do you mean I can't make a movie as my college essay like Elle Woods?
3. So I really need to write an original and inspiring essay in under 650 words?!?!
4. And get amazing SAT scores??
5. This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
6. I can definitely get a 2300 on my SAT's.
7. And then all colleges will want me because I'm a genius.
8. So I will definitely get into the ridiculously hard to get into college I've been dreaming of attending since I was 7.
9. I mean how hard can it be?
10. Ok SAT's are today and I'm going to crush them!!
11. Wow this room is really depressing
12. I honestly feel like I'm in a prison.
13. College Board is really trying to fuck with my mental state.
14. Ok test starting in 3, 2, 1……..
15. Ugh...is it bad if I didn't finish any of the sections?
16. Shit I'm screwed.
17. Hopefully some magical force will allow me to get a good score.
18. I'm sure I did fine.
19. And thankfully the common app allows me to write one essay that I can send to the twelve colleges I plan on applying to.
20. Wait all these schools want ADDITIONAL ESSAYS????
21. Lovely now I need to write 5,000 essays just to go to college and spend $60,000 on tuition.
22. The college application system is just great (that was sarcasm if you couldn't tell).
23. I guess I should look at some of these applications.
24. Does this school really expect me to write 5 additional essays?
25. Bye Felicia *delete*.
26. Well it's only October and my first application isn't due until January 1st so I have plenty of time.
27. And I will definitely write all my essays far in advance and have them looked over for errors.
28. Oh SAT scores just came out!
29. Ugh…wow these scores are atrocious.
30. Let me just wallow for months, depressed that I no longer have a chance of getting into my dream school.
31. Shit its December 20th and I still haven't started any of my essays.
32. I hate my life.
33. Why do I need to procrastinate everything?
34. It's fine. I can definitely write 20 quality essays in 10 days.
35. Ok time to get typing!
36. First sentence is done!
37. Damn what else should I write?
38. There is nothing interesting about my life to write about.
39. Crap I will never get into college.
40. All right I guess I will just type up some bullshit so I can finish this essay.
41. Well my common app essay sucks but at least it's done.
42. Ok time to fill out these application questions.
43. Do you think I can lie about my grades on this thing or would they find out?
44. Damn that would have been nice.
45. God this is going to take hours.
46. What do I want to major in?
47. Bitch does it look like I know what I want to major in?
48. Oh there's an undecided option.
49. Wow I'm stupid.
50. Geez, there are so many questions!
51. I need to list all of my activities too?
52. Does walking my dog count as an activity?
53. Or driving my sister home from school everyday?
54. I personally would consider that charity but idk if these admissions people will.
55. I honestly think these admissions people are intentionally trying to torture me.
56. I feel like there is just some old cranky man who runs this whole website and wants to make high school seniors miserable.
57. Not like I don't have enough to worry about, like keeping my grades up. Now I need to spend all my time working on essays for colleges that are probably gonna reject me anyway.
58. You would think getting into college would be easier.
59. I'm really over these questions.
60. Focus! Lets just finish these questions so I can move onto the supplemental essays.
61. Wait this college wants me to explain why I want to go to their school?
62. I'm only applying here as a safety lol.
63. Hopefully they can't tell I give zero shits about their school.
64. Oooh this college doesn't require essays?
65. Perfect sign me up! *Submit*.
66. Alright down to the last essay and I have...5 hours until the deadline SHIT!
67. Ok just need to quickly get something typed about how some form of literature has been meaningful to my life.
68. That shouldn't be too hard.
69. Wow honestly why do I always procrastinate.
70. I'm really a horrible person.
71. What piece of literature has been meaningful to me?
72. Does Fifty Shades of Grey count? That could be funny.
73. Lol I probably shouldn't write about that.
74. I would be the laughing stock of all colleges.
75. And I'm sure all the admissions people are in some sort of admissions cult and share horrible applications with each other to make fun of us.
76.Ok what's a fancy book that will make me seem smart?
77.I guess I'll just write about some stupid metaphor in The Catcher in the Rye that changed my opinion on the meaning of life
78.Yes! finally done!
79.I think this final submit button is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.
80.Now I just need to hear back.
81. "We are unable to offer you acceptance into out 2019 graduating class at…"
82. Well that sucks ass.
83. Whatever your loss. I'm amazing so that sucks for you.
84. Wow all my friends have gotten in somewhere and all I've gotten is a big stack of rejection letters.
85. Congratulations your life is so perfect!
86. Then these bitches keep asking me if I got in anywhere yet.
87. Trust me, if I got in somewhere, you would know already.
88. And then they try to console me because they feel awkward for asking.
89. "I'm sure you got in!" Bitch please.
90. Honestly please give your infinite wisdom to someone who wants it.
91. It's kind of depressing seeing how everyone has their life figured out already and I still need to hear back from schools.
92. I wonder if I will even get in anywhere. Based on my luck I'll end up in community college and be the biggest joke of my private school.
93. I GOT IN TO PENN STATE!!
94. Wait how?
95. Whatever, time to post on Facebook so everyone knows how successful I am!!