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23 Times Mara Wilson Was The Comedy Queen Of Twitter

"I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends."

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1. When she had to decide between bad grammar or a life alone.

I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends.

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

2. When she explained just how much the times had changed.

"You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands." *Lights another cigarette*

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

3. When she wished she could be more honest.

Ever have someone tell you to have a nice day and you just want to be like "unfortunately it's a little late for that"

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

4. When true love passed her by, and an egg salad sandwich was to blame.

MISSED CONNECTION: You made eye contact with me as I dropped an eighth of my egg salad sandwich onto the L train platform

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

5. When she made people think twice before trolling.

The people who write mean stuff on my public Facebook page under their real names never seem to have any favorite books

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

6. When she laid down the brutal truth about adulthood.

Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.

7. When she came face to face with a baby, and nothing else mattered.

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

8. When she gave this perfect response to friendly advice.

FRIENDS: Maybe men just find you intimidating. ME: As they should.

9. When she pretty much summed up the difference between a dog person and a cat person.

"Dogs are assholes" DOG PERSON: YOU'RE an asshole! "Cats are assholes" CAT PERSON: Yeah

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

10. When she created the best way to deal with internet haters.

If you're a woman on the internet, make a Bingo card out of the shit they call you. Do something really nice for yourself at five in a row.

11. When she knew exactly how to maintain personal space in public...

Keep people from getting too close to you on public transit by carrying a giant egg salad sandwich on you at all times

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

12. ...and how to clear a path.

I don't care if they're out of style, I love wearing fishnets because when I walk down the street people get out of my way

13. When she put forward a good argument in favour of modern technology.

"Ugh, put away your phone for once" *Stops reading about current events and talking to beloved far away family members* "OK"

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

14. When she coined a new term that all carb lovers can relate to.

I don't think I have a sweet tooth so much as a carb tooth

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

15. When she turned a perplexing situation into an advantageous one.

People who don't eat the pizza crust: 1. Why do you do that 2. Can I have it

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

16. When she professed herself a Potterhead at heart.

Ugh, Astrology is such BS! Anyway, which Hogwarts House are you in

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

17. When she made us wish a Matilda/Hermione crossover existed in our universe.

HA. "Matilda is the story of Hermione if she'd been raised by the Dursleys." I can see it.

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

18. When she had a simple solution for all your relationship woes.

Going for "bad boys" is bullshit. You won't change him. Want someone who ignores you and is alternately loving and rude to you? Get a cat.

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

19. When there was no debating this valid point.

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.

Via Twitter: @marawritesstuff

20. When she knew exactly how to shut down an awful ex.

I think a good thing to say to a bad ex is "I've had more fulfilling, meaningful relationships with a Goldfish cracker I dropped in my bra."

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

21. When her depiction of politics made complete sense.

America and France are bitter exes who fight all the time but would probably still have sex if given the chance

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

22. When the presidential election had her working those arm muscles.

My use of the jerk-off hand motion has gone up 5000% since the start of election coverage

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

23. When Matilda seemed to follow her wherever she went.

Brb getting "I have nothing to do with the musical Matilda" tattooed on my forehead

Via Twitter: @MaraWritesStuff

Mara, you're hilarious. Please keep 'em coming! 🙏🏼

TriStar Pictures / Via as-an-hurricane.tumblr.com

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