How To Explain To Your Guns How You Helped Elect Donald Trump President

We've seen a ton of posts on how teachers, parents, and concerned adults should explain the election of Donald J. Trump to their kids. But what about those of us who want to celebrate the election by explaining it to our guns? Where's that post? Ask, and you shall be BuzzFed.

First, Make Sure You Talk To Your Guns

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Remember, you look at your guns either like they are people, or like they are more important than people. That means they deserve your communication. Talking with our guns is our Second Amendment right, and now is not the time to keep your ego in check. Your guns need your confidence and your willingness to communicate.

Start With Your Favorite Gun

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To loosen up the conversation, start with your favorite gun. Pick it out of the loose pile of guns you keep on the part of the bed your wife used to sleep on, hold it close to you, and begin to talk. It might help to start with comfortable topics, like how much you love to clean the gun, or how you've been so good lately about not having sex with the gun. Then let the conversation slowly move towards the election. It won't feel natural at first, but this is a crazy world we live in and these are the conversations we have to have.

Don't Avoid Talking About the Hard Subject Matter

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There may come moments in your conversation where you will feel tempted to avoid the hard conversation points, like addressing the fact that your candidate won an election without winning the popular vote, or how the majority of Americans want common sense gun reform, but do not avoid these topic matters. You and your gun are safe now. Nothing will take that gun away from you, especially not the politicians who have never wanted to take it away in the first place. These conversation points are good times to put the gun directly in your mouth so it truly hears what you're saying.

Take Breaks When Necessary

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This doesn't have to be a marathon, there's no reason to put your alcohol and fast food riddled body through that. Any time you feel like you have to, take a break. Spend some time snuggling with the ferret you're trying to turn xenophobic. Call the Chinese food restaurant near you and order food using your funny Asian accent. For God's sake don't forget to masturbate! You bought these guns so you could feel good about your incredibly tiny penis, don't forget the little guy now.

Have Fun!

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Donald Trumps' victory is a good, good thing for you. Nothing in your life will change now, and it's likely that he'll do everything in his power to turn back the clock as far as possible. Bask in the upcoming nostalgia. Enjoy every single moment of this victory because you certainly worked hard for it. Remember, there's no point in electing a man like Donald J. Trump into office if we can't bask in his eternal glory while cradling the only devices that still love us.