The Funniest Parents On Twitter

If you're done with it, throw it on the floor. - toddlers

Exit this way

Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22

80% of taking your kids on vacation is keeping them out of gift shops.

03:50 AM - 23 Jul 2015

30 Minutes of Previews

Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22

Saw a movie with my sons today. Actually, saw 30 minutes of buying popcorn, 30 minutes of taking them potty and 30 minutes of actual movie.

03:14 AM - 14 Jul 2015

Dad Look. Hey Dad. Dad. Hey Dad.

Simon Holland @simoncholland

93% of a parent's time at the pool is spent "watching this" and adjusting goggles.

08:36 PM - 01 Jul 2015

Sigh

Simon Holland @simoncholland

I have a wife and two daughters so if someone would hurry up and make a sigh translator that would be great.

12:24 AM - 23 Jul 2015

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Simon Holland @simoncholland

What if instead of that we just ran around the house screaming? -Kids

11:29 PM - 17 Jul 2015

Boxer briefs are basically shorts right?

Los @LosLos__

Wife: My family is coming over. Me: ....? Wife: PANTS! PUT ON PANTS!

04:00 PM - 28 Aug 2013

Am I doing this right?

Floyd @dafloydsta

PARENTING TIPS: 1. Repeat yourself frequently 2. You're doing it wrong 3. Still wrong 4. No one cares what you say 5. Welcome to alcoholism

07:00 PM - 23 Jun 2015

I'm so thirsty

Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4

Current status: drinking until it sounds like I have zero kids.

02:39 AM - 24 Jul 2015

Don't leave that there someone might get hurt!

The ParentNormal @ParentNormal

[somebody drops mic, walks off] [parent picks up mic, puts it away] - The Cycle of Life

04:08 PM - 20 Jul 2015

It gives you wings!

Simon Holland @simoncholland

There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.

01:43 PM - 25 Feb 2015