1.
Hey, that email definitely sent right? Did you typo the email address? Maybe you should send yourself an email to check your email is working. Hmm, maybe you should check your email forwarding settings? Actually, no it'll be fine. They'll have the email. For sure. It could have got lost though, maybe you'll just check...
2.
Wonder if anyone else applied for the job from the Twitter advert?
Better check the original tweet for favourites. Oooh, she's a bit good. Hope she didn't apply. Let's see... oh she has. Oh, she's been chatting to the account. Dammit, you should have chatted to the account. Arse licker.
3.
Wonder why the current employee is leaving? Better Google them, you don't want to work for an evil company after all. Google then check LinkedIn, then find on Twitter. Oh, they're really happy. Sad to be going. Oooh, you really want this job now!
4.
You could totally do this job! Look you've got a better degree than the current employee. And that lass on twitter sounds like a right nutjob. You have got this job in THE bag.
5.
Blimey, it's a whole £5k per year more than you're getting now. You could pay off your debt, go on holiday, appease the screaming need for Shake Shack. This job would CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
6.
It's been six days since you applied. Maybe you should email them? Check it got there, no, that would be crazy. Don't do that. Maybe you should call them?
7.
Check the twitter feed. THEY'RE INTERVIEWING? Where's your interview?
You're GREAT at interviews!
8.
Check all forms of contact information. Could a letter have gone to your old address, your phone is a poverty stricken piece-of-shit, could it have missed a voice mail?
9.
There's no email. Decide they must be doing two rounds of interviews.
10.
Wait.
11.
Decide company are obviously rubbish at communication. You'd do a better job than this. Stay up pressing F5 way past office hours.
12.
Despair. Email contact made, they don't want you.
13.
Weep like a child too tired to eat Christmas Dinner.
14.
Re-assess the situation. Decide you didn't want the stupid job anyway. Definitely don't check the other applicants via Twitter, throw V's at the screen at their success and un-follow the company account out of spite.
15.
Drink all of the available booze. Allow friends to reassure you that you're better than that job anyway, that your perfect job will come. Look, here's one now, deadline is only this Friday... do it... click apply...
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