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    Posted on Feb 4, 2015

    39 Things Newly Single People Say And What They Actually Mean

    We've all been there.

    Loryn Brantz / Buzzfeed / Universal

    1. "I finally have the whole bed to myself." – I've forgotten how to fall asleep alone and it sucks.

    2. "So ready to move on, let's do this!" – I'm totally not ready to move on, but what choice do I have?

    3. "The bad times are over, and the good times are just getting started!" – I've wasted my youth.

    4. "What do single people do on Saturday night?" – I'm single and ready to mingle.

    5. "Someone else can have my leftovers." – I will lose my SHIT if my ex gets into a new relationship before I do.

    6. "A toast to new beginnings!" – I need to change my Twitter and Facebook passwords.

    7. "The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else." – I'm gonna have sex with LOTS of undeserving strangers.

    8. "I need to love myself before I can love anyone else." – I'm getting fat and no one out there likes me.

    9. "I'm going to focus more on my career." – I wonder who I can date at work?

    10. "I only need friends and family in this world." – My cat and I have Netflix plans.

    20th Century Fox / Via larkable.com

    11. "I'm ready to take on the world, nothing can hold me back now." – My thirst is real.

    12. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." – I can't wait until bad karma bites my ex in the ass.

    13. "We're gonna stay friends." – I will never see that person ever again.

    14. "I'm probably gonna stay single, like, forever." – I need someone to save me from online dating.

    15. "On to the next one!" – I require superficial validation and acceptance, NOW.

    16. "I'm an adult, I'm practically over it." – I'm an immature child who's still crying inside.

    17. "I wish we met at a different time." – I wish I had my shit together before we broke up.

    18. "I'm loving this single lifestyle!" – I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.

    Columbia Pictures / Via smosh.com

    19. "I am SO over him/ her." – WTF, why can't I stop thinking about them??

    20. "They were so ugly, why did I even date them?" – They were so cute, and now someone else gets to touch their perfect face.

    21. "I'm better off without them." – I'm hopelessly lost.

    22. "I have so much more free time to myself." – I'm probably gonna lie around in my underwear and do nothing for awhile.

    23. "I don't want to rush into a new relationship." – I'm way too emotionally disturbed to be dumped again.

    24. "We're done for good this time." – I've updated my Facebook status, profile picture, and deleted them from all my old photo albums.

    25. "If it was meant to be, we will find our way back together." – They are NOT getting any of their old shit back.

    26. "I'll never look for a boyfriend/ girlfriend again." – Give me, like, a week and I'll be on Tinder.

    27. "I'm mature enough to handle this break-up on my own." – My best friend is coming over in 20 minutes with DVDs and ice cream.

    28. "I can't wait to get back out there." – I've got a long list of people I've been meaning to bang.

    29. "It's time to live my life to the fullest!" – I'm gonna make some cats VERY happy.

    30. "I never want to speak to them again." – It would be really great if they called right now.

    31. "I'm gonna treat myself." – I'm burning everything they ever gave me.

    32. "I want to fall back in love with life." – Where's the whiskey?

    33. "I have nothing left to say about it." – I'm currently working on a handwritten 30-page manifesto about how they ruined my life forever.

    34. "I'll know things will be better the second time around." – It's still gonna suck, but might hurt a little less.

    35. "I haven't met the right one yet." – I'm getting too old for this shit.

    36. "It just wasn't working out." – I've abandoned all hope for the future.

    37. "Next time around, I'm not gonna settle." – I was settled, dammit!

    38. "This was my choice." – This was their choice, FML.

    39. "I have everything I need to truly be happy." – I have 10 jars of Nutella and a gallon of caramel fudge in the refrigerator.

    Universal / Via gifatron.com

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