The Do's And Don'ts Of Shopping

Some of these things should go without saying. Should.

DO stay on budget.

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Especially if you know you only have so much to spend.

Yes, this means accounting for sales tax.

DON'T yell at the cashier if you go over budget.

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We've all grabbed more than we can afford before. It's no one's fault but your own, so don't treat the poor soul chained to the register like it's THEIR fault you can't afford your cheesie puffs.

DO ask for help when you need it.

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Can't reach an item? Can't find an item? Don't know the price?

Ask someone. That's the whole point of having employees on the sales floor, to make things easier for you.

These people are easy to find, too, because they're usually wearing ugly, cheaply-made uniforms with the store's cheesy slogan branded all over it.

DON'T ignore store employees...

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...and then complain that "no one ever wants to help around here."

Because it's bullshit and you know it.

DO say "thank you."

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And "please."

And "excuse me."

"I'm sorry."

"Good morning."

Basically, use the manners your parents (should have) taught you before you were old enough to head to school.

DON'T call employees by name.

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Really, we hate it. It's creepy and overly familiar coming from someone who gives us their money for smokes and condoms.

We don't choose to have name tags. If it was up to those of us working at store-level, we wouldn't have name tags at all.

People either use our names to act buddy-buddy - which, like I said, is creepy - or to humiliate retail workers while they are yelling at them.

"WELL, Katie, don't you think you should mark that down for me since it was in the wrong spot? You probably put it there, Katie, so you should own up to your fault, Katie."

DO know where you are shopping.

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How do you forget which store you are in? They are not all the same. There are store signs everywhere. On price tags. On door signs. On the floor tiles. Even the store play-list will throw in the store name.

There is no reason to not know where you are, unless you are suffering from dementia or short term memory loss. And in those cases, perhaps you should not be shopping without someone to help you out.

DON'T treat the store like your personal bank.

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At 11pm in a small drug-store, there is likely only ONE open cash register, which has definitely already been counted for the night. That drawer barely has $100 in it, so don't get pissy if, when you pull out a wad of hundreds, the cashier asks if maybe you've got something smaller to pay for your beer and your pork rinds.

Conversely, at 7am, in any store (except maybe 24/7 stores), the cash register probably does not have much money in it. So when you buy a pack of gum with your Benjamin, don't get pissy when the cashier hands you your change back in tens and fives. If you need money for the day, you should wait another two hours for the damned bank to open.

DO keep your hands to yourself.

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There is nothing more unnerving than to be subject to unwanted touching while at work. In retail, it is no different.

Please don't poke me. Please don't shove me. Please don't pat me on the back. Please don't hold my hand when I give you change back.

It should also go without saying that I don't want you to reach across the counter and lovingly brush the hair out of my eyes. Because, what the fuck.