I remember the year 2000 for two different yet equally life-altering events: it was the year that the Lindsay Lohan version of Disney's The Parent Trap was released, and it was the first of 14 years where I spent my summers at one of 6 different overnight camps. While I love both the Parent Trap and summer camp dearly, I've never gotten over the fact that certain aspects about real-life camp never quite lived up to the expectation of camp I had in my head thanks to countless viewings of the Parent Trap just prior to my first summer.
12. Counselors
Where are all the staff? Why are these 11-year-olds living in cabins entirely on their own, with just a director and assistant director whose only interaction with the children are surprise inspections? As someone who worked as a section head at overnight camp, I can tell you with 100% certainty that NO PARENT would send their child to a camp with such little supervision.
11. Uniforms
What kind of summer camp makes their campers wear uniforms? How many uniforms does each camper have to buy their first summer? Do they have to buy new ones every summer? How often does Camp Walden do laundry? Because I know for a fact that clothes at camp get DIRTY. Do they have their laundry sent away, or do their imaginary staff spend all their time doing it? Maybe that's why they're never around. And then there's that scene with Hallie and her friends coming back from playing basketball IN MATCHING SHORTS AND JERSEYS. What? If our camp basketball games even had referees, we considered them fancy.
10. Fencing
Now, granted, I never attended a camp that was known for its activities, but fencing? I've never heard of a camp with fencing. Much less a camp that would allow their campers to have fencing matches that circled buildings and involved jumping off of porches. And what sort of camp would organize fencing matches between all the campers at their camp in an attempt to name the "camp-champ"? Like, are the little kids expected to fence the15-year-olds? That's just setting these guys up for self-confidence issues.
9. The Cabins
Once again, I admittedly never went camp that was known for its facilities, but the set designer for the parent trap had clearly never set foot into an actual camp cabin. Real bed frames? Individual light switches? Furniture that looks like it was taken from the window of pottery barn? Ceiling fans? I spent 4 months at a camp where we didn't even have running water in our cabins, much less ceiling fans. My staff used to steal us milk crates from the kitchen to use as shelves, much less complete dresser sets.
8. Gambling
It's true that kids at camps love their games, especially their card games. But, I can tell you from first-hand experience: ask a group of11-year-old girls if any of them know how to play poker...and your results will not be too promising. And the idea of late-night poker tournaments where the girls are betting away their scrunches, make-up, and cash? Ya right. Who even brings cash to camp? What good would it do there? When I was a camper, on occasion we used to bet our clean-up shifts with one another, but even that very tame version of gambling was almost immediately shut-down by our counselors.
7. Waterfront Protocols
This one really bothered me, more than I'm sure it bothered most people, seeing that I was a lifeguard at summer camps for 5 years. But, HOW CAN THIS CAMP BE SO LAX ABOUT THEIR WATERFRONT? When Annie loses to Hallie at poker, two entire cabins decide it would be a good idea to sneak out to the waterfront, at night, and watch Annie go skinny dipping when there's not a lifeguard in sight. ARE THEY CRAZY? Every one of them would have been kicked out of camp had they been caught – not worth the giggles, girls, not worth it.
6. Pranks
I do actually agree with the Parent Trap about one thing: pranks are a big part of camp. And I've seen some pretty creative and funny pranks go down. But the pranks in the movie are just unrealistic. How did Annie get 3 beds and dressers (heavy dressers...note #9) onto the roof of a cabin, by her (tiny) self? How did Hallie and her friends trash an entire cabin in the middle of the night without waking up any of the girls? And how did they booby-trap it so intricately?
5. The Isolation Cabin
By far the most unrealistic expectation I had about summer camp thanks to the Parent Trap was the Isolation Cabin. This camp built an entire cabin (in the middle of the woods, up a whole bunch of stairs) just to punish campers. And they have to stay in the cabin for the ENTIRE SUMMER? (with no supervision, of course). And they have to eat at an "Isolation Table" in the dining hall. How did that phone call from the director to their parents work in this situation?
4. Food
The food at Camp Walden is too good. In one of the first scenes, the director offers both Annie and Hallie spoonfuls of strawberries...which they both decline because they are allergic. There's just a bowl of strawberries for the girls to scoop from? In 14 years at summer camp, I had a decent serving of strawberries twice: once when I was 10 and my section got to leave camp for the day to go strawberry picking, and once when I was a section head and organized this same activity for my campers. And Hallie just has a box of Oreos and peanut butter lying around in her cabin? It doesn't even look like she's trying to hide them. Peanut butter? When's the last time a summer camp in Canada allowed nuts?
3. The Seemingly Lack of Schedule
Well I understand why it's good for the plot of the movie that Annie and Hallie can spend their entire summer preparing to trade lives, why don't these girls ever have a schedule to follow? Why does no one seemed phased when they walk into fencing 30 minutes late, or decide to disregard the lunch bell? If there's anything I've learned about camps 14 years later, it's that camps run on schedules.
2. Do-It-Yourself Ear-Piercing/Haircuts
As a girl at summer camp, I remember doing an awful lot of nail painting, and make-up, but at no age did we ever start chopping off each other's hair. If it had gone awry, we would have been stuck with ugly hair for weeks. And never once did we ever consider piercing each other's ears. THAT'S INSANE. Not to mention the fact that it would have been impossible to find an apple in the middle of the night.
1. Finding of Long-Lost Twins
I asked everyone...and never had any luck.
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