The 29 People You Absolutely Should Not Invite To Your Hen Do

“Have you tried my penis cookies?” THEY’RE LIFE-SIZED.

1. Either of these girls.

 

3. The one who’s been “pregaming” since lunchtime.

4. The stripper you were very clear about not wanting.

Because nothing kills the mood like an oily stranger all up in your grill when you’re JUST TRYING TO DRINK A MARGARITA.

5. The recent dumpee.

Everything will make her cry. There will be ugly-crying in public. She will vomit sadly into her own lap at karaoke, and have to be taken home. Send her a care package instead, and hang out with her another time.

6. The disappearing act.

“I’m just going to hook up with Ben and check out that gig, but I’ll be back before you know it, I promise.”

You never see her again.

7. Anyone with these table manners.

 

8. The Ann Summers representative.

Within three seconds of introducing herself she’ll have your horrified best friend awkwardly pretending to hump you with a strap-on while you weep quietly and everybody stares at the floor.

9. The aggressive twerker.

10. The one who’s still basically working.

Oxygen / tumblr.com

Get ready for a night of “You girls carry on. I gotta take this call.”

11. The enemy of fun.

She’ll spend the evening telling everyone that this isn’t her scene, and that she’s only here because you’re her friend.

12. The picky eater.

“I wish you’d had your hen night in the vegan non-alcoholic bar like I suggested.”

13. The done-it-all.

 

“Remember my hen night when I whisked you all off to Barbados and it was so much more fun than this?”

14. Anyone who’s not invited to the wedding.

Sony / tumblr.com

Conversations on your hen night will always turn to the wedding, so maybe have a separate evening for non-wedding guests, to stop them feeling excluded.

15. The clique.

Because there’s nothing more inclusive than other people’s in-jokes.

16. The trainee pole dancing teacher.

“It’s OK, I’m almost qualified!” = you’re walking down the aisle in a cast.

17. Your arch nemesis.

Paramount / tumblr.com

You know the saying. “Never try to clear the air while licking a penis lolly.”

18. The stirrer.

“OMG Sarah, do you remember the time Jenny stole your boyfriend? I can’t believe you’re not still angry about that!”

19. The one you haven’t seen for a squillion years.

“I haven’t seen you for so long! Let’s go sit in a corner and catch up for eight hours.”

20. Your boss.

Why did you invite your boss? You are eating CUPCAKES shaped like VAGINAS.

21. Your mother. She loves you. She raised you. She doesn’t need to see this.

#henparty #penis #happenis #willy #cake

— bondulie (@juliebondulie22)

22. And your mother-in-law to be will never be able to unsee this.

Penis cake.

— DANI (@dbaby_92)

23. In fact, maybe just don’t invite any amateur bakers.

Serving penis cake for bachelorette party #serverproblems #bestisyettocum where do u put the candle @itsaserverslife

— Jen Bunny (@jenbunnyyy)

24. Seriously.

@MarkWright_ @michkeegan Hen night cookies - thanks for the inspiration! #karmasutracookies #fanniesontherampage

— Lucy Humphries (@lucehumps)

25. The attention-seeker.

 

Good luck getting a go on the microphone during karaoke!

26. The one with the seven year itch.

 

It’s not your hen night, it’s the night you had to assign four people to keep an eye on her at all times to stop her doing things she’d definitely regret in the morning.

27. The one who has “history” with your intended.

 

28. The one who keeps forgetting that it’s your night.

29. Anyone who tries to stop you ending your hen night with a glorious 4am Chicken Cottage feast.

 

Tonight you are a princess. Pre-dawn chicken carnage is your divine right, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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