24 Words That Mean Something Totally Different When You Have A Heavy Cold

I don't remember what it's like to breathe through my nose.

1. "Mordor"

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What it usually means: The cursed, cracked land occupied by the evil Sauron in JRR Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings.

What it means when you have a cold: Your throat.

2. "Nostrils"

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What it usually means: The two openings in your nose that air moves through.

What it means when you have a cold: Parts of your body that only work one at a time, if at all.

3. "Sandbags"

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What it usually means: Bags filled with sand used as a defence against flooding.

What it means when you have a cold: Your lungs.

4. "Slug"

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What it usually means: A long slimy creature with no arms or legs.

What it means when you have a cold: Something that's now slithering about inside your head and sinuses.

5. "Sneeze"

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What it usually means: An involuntary nasal expulsion.

What it means when you have a cold: Something that redecorates your room with phlegm.

6. "M"

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What it usually means: A letter of the alphabet, placed between L and N.

What it means when you have a cold: That noise you can't make anymore (also see N).

7. "Mer"

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What it usually means: The French word for "sea".

What it means when you have a cold: The noise your throat makes involuntarily sometimes because it's so sore.

8. "Temperature"

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reddit.com

What it usually means: A measured amount of heat or cold.

What it means when you have a cold: Something your body cannot make up its mind about.

9. "Stitch"

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What it usually means: A movement to secure two pieces of fabric together with needle and thread.

What it means when you have a cold: Something you have permanently in your side from coughing violently.

10. "Bed"

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What it usually means: A large piece of furniture used for sleeping on.

What it means when you have a cold: Where you live now.

11. "Pillows"

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What it usually means: Bed-cushions that you rest your head on.

What it means when you have a cold: Things which you have to use at least four of to prop yourself up in bed, because you can't breathe unless you're pretty much sitting up straight.

12. "Tissues"

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What it usually means: Soft disposable paper used for your face.

What it means when you have a cold: Either the worst thing in the world (toilet paper), or the best thing in the world (Kleenex Ultrabalm). Also balls of the stuff are taking over your house.

13. "Midnight"

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What it usually means: The middle of the night.

What it means when you have a cold: The first of several hours you spend lying awake because you can't breathe, trying not to cough, sneeze or sniff so loudly that you wake your partner, family or room mates, reading your phone.

14. "Murderers"

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What it usually means: People who intentionally break the law and kill another person.

What it means when you have a cold: What you inevitably end up reading about on your phone, at midnight, when you can't sleep, and spook yourself silly.

15. "Party"

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What it usually means: A social celebration.

What it means when you have a cold: Something you don't go to anymore. Also, that godawful racket all that bacteria is throwing in your respiratory system.

16. "Toddy"

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What it usually means: A traditional cold remedy made of hot water, honey, ginger, lemon and whisky.

What it means when you have a cold: A legitimate way to get drunk.

17. "Outside"

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What it usually means: In the open air.

What it means when you have a cold: That place you don't go to anymore.

18. "Sunshine"

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What it usually means: The light distributed by the sun.

What it means when you have a cold: That thing that keeps mocking you by being around when you're too ill to enjoy it, and also the thing that stops you being able to see the TV properly.

19. "Television"

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What it usually means: A device which turns electrical signals into audiovisual entertainment.

What it means when you have a cold: An evil box that only contains cheaply made programming, presented by orange people, about antique bargain hunters – which actually makes you feel iller.

20. "Netflix"

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What it usually means: Internet-streamed entertainment.

What it means when you have a cold: The only thing that understands you.

21. "Reflection"

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What it usually means: Your image in a mirror.

What it means when you have a cold: Something you avoid at all costs because your face is puffy, your eyes are purple, and you haven't washed your hair in a week.

22. "Friends"

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What it usually means: People you know, whom you like.

What it means when you have a cold: People you despise because they still have their health.

23. "Twitter"

Twitter: @orbyn

What it usually means: The noise that birds make.

What it means when you have a cold: The social platform you take to in order to rage impotently at the world about your illness.

24. "Recovery"

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What it usually means: The process of returning to full health.

What it means when you have a cold: Something that you can't possibly imagine – until it happens, and you realise what a baby you've been for the past week.