1. Most of your wedding planning takes place over beer and pizza.
2. In fact, that's probably how your proposal took place.
3. Let's face it, beer and pizza are most likely going to play a part in all future major life events – marriages, births, deaths, christenings.
4. You go to a dress fitting and find all the choice and pressure and endless tulle suffocating and stressful.
5. You spend at least a little time wondering why you can't get married in your sweatpants.
6. You wind up buying your dress off the rack, online, or second-hand.
7. You make at least three spreadsheets of potential guests because you keep forgetting where you saved the files.
8. You read a few websites about wedding planning.
9. Words like "seating plans", "registry", and "table runners" leap out at you, like attacking zombies, and you have to close your computer and do deep-breathing.
10. Then you realise that "registry" means PRESENTS, and suddenly you're OK with it.
11. Someone suggests a Star Wars-themed wedding and you don't think that sounds totally ridiculous.
12. Someone else suggests a fancy, masked ball-style wedding, and you think that sounds pretty good too.
13. Yet another person (possibly you) suggests eloping somewhere remote and getting hitched on the cheap.
14. Actually, you're starting to feel totally immobilised by the sheer variety of your wedding options.
15. Suddenly friends and relatives you haven't talked to in ages come out of the woodwork offering opinions and assistance.
16. You watch the movie Bride Wars and notice that the main characters have been planning their weddings since they were children.
17. You have to do deep-breathing again.
18. You go back to your friends and family and accept ALL THE OFFERS, and let them fight out the details among themselves.
19. You do this because you realise you're going to need all the help you can get. I mean, look at you. You're not even wearing matching socks.
20. You pick pretty much the second venue you visit, because it's available and in your price range, and there's a McDonald's nearby and you haven't had breakfast.
21. You and your partner wind up choosing the easiest marriage vows possible, because you don't want to fluff them.
22. Also because you can't imagine looking into someone's eyes and calling them "beloved" without bursting out laughing.
23. At some point, someone involved in the wedding will accuse you of being TOO easygoing.
24. You start to feel guilty about getting more excited about planning your honeymoon than your actual wedding.
25. You meet up with a friend who has planned her own wedding to the tiniest detail. And it is extravagant. There are ponies. There are servants in LIVERY.
26. When you tell her that all you've done is narrow down your first dance song to "Jump in the Line" or "Cotton-Eyed Joe", her smile gets really big, but her eyes look concerned.
27. Suddenly, it's like, a month till your wedding.
28. You're so grateful for your bridesmaids, family, partner, and friends, because without them you'd never have sorted out your flowers, decor, food, and invitations.
29. Your hen night involves, obviously, beer and pizza.
30. You float through the morning of your wedding not quite believing what's happening.
31. At least three logistical things go wrong.
32. At this point you berate yourself slightly for not being more on top of things.
33. When you're married, you tell yourself, you will be more together and less dreamy. When you're married, you'll never wear mismatching socks again.
34. On the way down the aisle, you trip over.
35. It doesn't matter.