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36 Things You Don't Need To Worry About After You're 35

No thank you, I will not be turning down for YOLO.

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1. Moshing.

2. Your next tattoo.

3. Having ironic hair.

4. Dressing up "sexy" for Halloween.

5. Halloween, full stop.

6. Losing your Young Person's Railcard.

7. People asking about your degree.

8. Talking about your degree.

9. Pretending your degree is in any way relevant to the work you do.

10. Claire's Accessories.

11. Youth hostels.

12. Pretending to enjoy 18–30 holidays.

13. Getting dumped on by middle management (now it's upper management).

14. Getting sent out for coffee by your colleagues.

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15. Doing everything on a "before you're 30" list.

16. Whether or not your indie band will make it (it won't).

17. Finding yourself. Turns out you were right here all along!

18. Knowing about all the cool bars before everyone else. It's much easier to read about them in The Guardian and then go.

19. Being ID'd.

20. Having a bikini-ready body every summer. Now it's all about being fit, all year round.

21. Being the first to arrive at a party. Suddenly, being the first is awesome. You get a seat!

22. Frenemies. Life's too short for emotional vampires.

23. Ditto shitty jobs.

24. Ditto books you can't get into but feel obliged to finish.

25. Ditto dramatic tortured flaky romantic interests.

26. Falling in with "the wrong crowd". Where are you going to meet this "wrong crowd"? The garden centre?

27. For the most part, impulse control (although antacid dependency is a very real threat).

28. Snapchat.

29. YOLO.

30. Turning down for things (whatever that is).

31. Only buying the "value" brand products in supermarkets.

32. Rent (although now it's just called a "mortgage").

33. Staggering home wearing last night's make-up on the first train of the day (as often).

34. Hosting the sorts of parties where people put cigarettes out on your family photos.

35. Spamming social media with selfies (admittedly because you're only photogenic for about three seconds every day).

36. The validation of others. You learn that you're OK in your book, and that's all that matters.

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