1. I have more than 12 items, can I come through here?
2. Are you open? My light is on and I’m standing in front of a register. NOPE.
3. Do you work here? I am wearing a name tag, yes, yes I do work here.
4. Here’s my shoppers/rewards/frequent shopper card? IN MY FACE
5. Here let me unload my cart and leave the cart at the front of the checkstand EVEN THOUGH I AM EXITING THROUGH THE LOBBY
6. You look bored/You look like you need a customer.
7. While at U-Scan, “Can you ring all this produce up for me?”
8. Needs to write a check. Waits until you have rang up their entire order. Writes at the pace of a 5 year old learning their letters.
9. I see you have a WIC check and the WIC guide book with you. Yet I see you’re buying nothing actually listed on your check…
10. “There is enough money in my account to buy this. There must be something wrong with your machine.”
11. “I have exactly $40.” Excuse me while I put well over $40 worth of groceries on the belt and put things back one by one.
12. I am legally required to ID all people in a group purchasing age restricted items. The last thing I need is a gaggle of 20 year olds sassing me because one person has their ID.
13. The ad says limit of 9 grapefruits, can I buy 27 of them on three different transactions?
14. Bulk items can be expensive. Don’t be surprised when your Jelly Bellys or Pine Nuts are crazy expensive. We can’t put those back, so when you change your mind we have to throw them away.
15. If you return perishable items like a $17 frozen lasagna that also needs to be thrown away. Prices go up because of this.
16. Do not put your animals in the cart. Not every dog is a service animal. It is gross.
17. Dad jokes. “That isn’t scanning? It must be free.” Huehuehue. Kill me now.
18. We have a box we stand in for a reason. Please don’t step into it. Personal space is key when working with the public.
19. If you are paying with cash, please don’t hand me a wad of bills.
20. Complimenting me will not make me anymore interested in cutting you a deal or returning your $180 worth of vitamins with live security tags.
21. WASH YOUR REUSABLE BAGS
22. Speaking of bags, if your city doesn’t have plastic, don’t complain to the cashier. They had no control over this.
23. Hang up your phone. It makes it hard to tell you the total, ask you any questions, etc. But please, when the transaction is over, hang up and examine your receipt and tell me everything that is wrong. Next time, hang up.
24. We. Are. Not. Babysitters.
25. If a store closes at 11. Don’t be surprised that there are few cashiers at 10:55 to ring you up. If you plan on doing a week worth of shopping, don’t do it five minutes before close.
26. Do not walk up to a register fifteen minutes after close with a huge cart of groceries. WHO RAISED YOU?
27. It’s 8am. And you’re drunk. Aaaaand no Natty Ice for you. Not worth my job for you to keep your buzz.
28. If you get food from the deli, pay for it first. Don’t eat it then tell the cashier it was gross and you don’t want to pay for it. Generally you can tell if it is gross with the first couple bites.
29. Don’t put your cash or coupons on the belt. See that gap where the items stop? That is where dreams (and your money) go to die. You don’t want to look down there.
30. If the closed sign is up, it generally means we are closed. Just because I’m still finishing up a transaction doesn’t mean you can assume I am open and then give me a nasty look because I inform you that it does indeed mean closed.
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