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    34 Tweets That'll Make Every British Person Smile, For A Bit

    When you are tired of funny tweets, you are tired of life.

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    also does anyone else find it weird that the middle of the House of Lords is basically laid out like a shoe shop

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    When you head to the pub after a seminar but are too nervous to introduce yourself

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    "You can eat pancakes any day of the year u know"I can also drag a pine tree into my gaff any day but I usually reserve it for Christmas, ta

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    my mum makes picking me up sound so deep

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    Of course The Doctor has to be white and male, otherwise he'd never want to travel back in time.

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    Grand Designs be like: I rock climb for a living and my wife sells umbrella insurance. We have a budget of 1.3 million

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    With the addition of two Post its this episode of Would I Lie To You becomes people-maths. @richardosman

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    Andy lost his ID at a gig. Some burd found it and refused to give him it back unless he brought her a thank you bal… https://t.co/57PWYAkQwR

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    "Do you think people will know that says arise?" "Yeah, go for it"

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    Just in case anyone wonders if you're good at driving 👀

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    Oh no, the train announcer just said we have to change for rugby but I haven't brought my kit.

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    Someone left his phone at my friend's work.

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    hugh grant and colin firth are ok I guess but surely the most desirable thing in bridget jones is her one bedroom flat in borough market

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    leicester coming through yet again with a stunning piece of art

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    when you buy a ticket and it doesn't get checked for the entire journey

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    'You pay for the taxi I'll get you a drink inside'

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    i nearly tripped over a dog on the train and said 'sorry chicken' and someone genuinely . under their breath . said . that's a dog .

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    Even bathroom handwashes are telling me to visit a psychiatrist.

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    I deh trust the dentist when they start talking in code about your teeth to their wee pal, you got suhin to say say it to ma face prick

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    Hello, Great Britain. The results from Transylvania... 12 points to... Ireland... #SuperBowl #SB51

    28.

    Ma sisters just told me her pal canny get Indians delivered cause she lives on Curry Street n they think it's a prank call

    29.

    He's not even trying anymore...

    30.

    🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 he meant croissants am PISHING

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    -You screwed my wife. My own brother. You're dead to me -To you -To me *They laugh. It fades awkwardly* -[soft] That won't always work Barry

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    This doesn't sound like the most amenable law firm.

    34.

    Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

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