1.
also does anyone else find it weird that the middle of the House of Lords is basically laid out like a shoe shop
2.
When you head to the pub after a seminar but are too nervous to introduce yourself
3.
"You can eat pancakes any day of the year u know"I can also drag a pine tree into my gaff any day but I usually reserve it for Christmas, ta
4.
my mum makes picking me up sound so deep
5.
Of course The Doctor has to be white and male, otherwise he'd never want to travel back in time.
6.
What a shitty sequel.
7.
i feel like this crab is threatening me
8.
Grand Designs be like: I rock climb for a living and my wife sells umbrella insurance. We have a budget of 1.3 million
9.
With the addition of two Post its this episode of Would I Lie To You becomes people-maths. @richardosman
10.
Andy lost his ID at a gig. Some burd found it and refused to give him it back unless he brought her a thank you bal… https://t.co/57PWYAkQwR
11.
"Do you think people will know that says arise?" "Yeah, go for it"
12.
Just in case anyone wonders if you're good at driving 👀
13.
No it doesn't.
14.
Oh no, the train announcer just said we have to change for rugby but I haven't brought my kit.
15.
Someone left his phone at my friend's work.
16.
Fair enough.
17.
Welcome to Norwich
18.
hugh grant and colin firth are ok I guess but surely the most desirable thing in bridget jones is her one bedroom flat in borough market
19.
leicester coming through yet again with a stunning piece of art
20.
when you buy a ticket and it doesn't get checked for the entire journey
21.
'You pay for the taxi I'll get you a drink inside'
22.
i nearly tripped over a dog on the train and said 'sorry chicken' and someone genuinely . under their breath . said . that's a dog .
23.
Even bathroom handwashes are telling me to visit a psychiatrist.
24.
How long did this interview last?
25.
I deh trust the dentist when they start talking in code about your teeth to their wee pal, you got suhin to say say it to ma face prick
26.
When somebody's got a cold @ work
27.
Hello, Great Britain. The results from Transylvania... 12 points to... Ireland... #SuperBowl #SB51
28.
Ma sisters just told me her pal canny get Indians delivered cause she lives on Curry Street n they think it's a prank call
29.
He's not even trying anymore...
30.
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 he meant croissants am PISHING
31.
-You screwed my wife. My own brother. You're dead to me -To you -To me *They laugh. It fades awkwardly* -[soft] That won't always work Barry
32.
But I wanted to call her Daisy
33.
This doesn't sound like the most amenable law firm.
34.
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you