Buzz·Posted on 29 Apr 201728 Tweets That Will Never Ever Not Be FunnyFunny tweets will outlast us all.by Robin EddsBuzzFeed Staff, UK LinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Dan Duvall @lazerdoov My girlfriend's been at a baby shower for like 3 hours that baby's gotta be so fucking clean by now what the fuck are they even doing 11:59 PM - 22 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. lesmondine @lesmondine Someone on Facebook has just discovered the concept of plants. 04:15 PM - 15 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Alex Temple @alextemplemusic the two genders 08:42 PM - 21 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. ashley @ashleyms030 guy: I'm 6'4", homeless, I don't have a car, I'm unemployed, and I've been arrested 6 times me: ....did you say..6… https://t.co/0V7fZNVKGD 01:19 AM - 27 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. 🚲 @alex4pt he whomsoever that canst draw the motorola from this carriageway shall be kinge of all post brexit englandde 01:07 PM - 23 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. justi 7/47 @damontrash in a week its gonna be 9 years since bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz 10:40 PM - 21 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. #softmom @tatianawrites how'd he have time to write all those plays then 11:17 PM - 20 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Jessie @NicCageMatch Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!" 03:43 PM - 10 Apr 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Ghost @KillianTrill My ex smoked for the first time today and look what this bitch texted me 03:21 AM - 20 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. sarah jean @sarahjeanalex favorite part of googlemaps is this man unzipping his cargo pants into cargo shorts at the grand canyon 02:22 AM - 30 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. George Riggall @GeorgeRiggall Pretty sure these aren't 32" length @ASOS 🤔🤔 04:22 PM - 26 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. FISH MOM @HotMessSWAG IF U BUMP INTO UR EX WITH HIS NEW GIRL ACT FAKE EXCITED TO MEET HER AND SINCERELY SAY "OMG I RLY LIKE UR PAJAMAS" NO MATTER WHAT SHE WEARING 05:32 PM - 30 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Jacob Gulley @Jacob_Gulley Hi my name is Jacob. I have your 2 large pizzas and I'm here to steal your girl 12:05 AM - 04 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. THE KID MERO 🇩🇴 @THEKIDMERO THIS MF EAT SOMEBODY EVERYBODY GONNA BE "IM SHOCKED!! HE WAS SO QUIET REALLY NICE & KEPT TO HIMSELF, HONOR STUDENT" 02:56 PM - 15 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. D Duh @d_duhwit "Unlock the car Sharon, I love you. We can make this work." 01:56 PM - 21 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. allie oetken @allieoets our cats had a fight and my parents are trying to make them resolve it lol 06:56 PM - 26 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Alex Steinman @AlexSteinman A woman on the subway printed out 15 pages of Facebook posts and is just reading the comments 🤔 10:35 PM - 06 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Charles @CabBish_ i blocked my ex on everything but she some how managed to message me through direct tv 06:54 AM - 14 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. umami skeleton @Merman_Melville My little sister's pre-language infancy was spent ardently yet fruitlessly trying to describe a spicy meatball 11:28 PM - 23 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. KieranHD @KieranHD How does she find time for airport security? 04:29 PM - 12 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Adam @barnettsufc braggin about havin 4 legs when there's people who only have 1, fucking disgusting 08:27 PM - 10 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Jar Jar Bindz @BindzBrain One time my sister scared the shit out of my parents by walking down the stairs like this 09:30 PM - 13 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Scritt @scritt_ And this is why I believe I should be the next president of the United States of America. 10:39 PM - 13 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Scoots @scootertooter7 How fast was this duck going? 08:34 PM - 02 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. baby rosalina @_rozap Saw your boyfriend at the natural history museum 02:35 PM - 03 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Anna @annaszpalik14 When you ask a 1st grade class to write letters to people in a nursing home... 12:55 AM - 10 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. jack @kysbaker did shrek not wear this 10:08 PM - 11 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. blaria. @Keelectric_Lady "I actually invented Lemonade so it should be free." 02:52 AM - 27 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite