1.
"David, who shall we invite to the wedding?" "Bono. Ono. Eno." "I love you, you unstoppable conceptual bastard."
2.
When you're in the chippy deciding what to have.
3.
I bloody LOVE The Libertines.
4.
It's great how the Eggheads have now been given Gladiator-style names.
5.
When your humous says something funny and you just think
6.
Do you want to be seen or not mate
7.
To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"
8.
Comedians with Itchy Scalps.
9.
A woman just dropped a £10 note next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine. I bought wine.
10.
I tried making biscuits & gravy like all the Americans said, but it was fucking horrible. Don't bother trying it.
11.
Just barbaric. Bunch of savages in this village.
12.
Can't stop staring at this...
13.
Worst French actor's name ever
14.
Getting knocked out of the World Cup but still having to host is like when everyone coupled off at my 18th and I just got drunk and watched.
15.
Worrying new political direction at B&Q
16.
[hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom] "Now give me my wife." "This is short by £2.39" [hides Mcflurry] "it's all I got."
17.
I don't need this pressure wash.
18.
"Got myself a crying, walking, sleeping, talking.."
19.
A very British rebellion.
20.
"A map of Surrey please." "Certainly sir, here you are." "Could I have a different one?" "Why?" "This one has Staines on it. "Get out."
21.
In Boots. Oh the agony of choice.
22.
Feeder are trying to sell a car on Gumtree again
23.
Let's remember that Andy Murray keeps an old man in his tennis bag for luck. #AusOpen
24.
pig: come over cameron: i can't i'm plotting further welfare cuts pig: my parents aren't home cameron:
25.
Ten mins into trifle and chill and he gives u this look x
26.
Tom Hardy looks amazing playing both Christopher Morris AND Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan in this new The Day Today movie
27.
Morrissey looks like he's about to drop the hottest BDO World Darts Championship semi final run of 2k15.
28.
Mate, you're a bagging area, how unexpected can my item be?
29.
"The main was undercooked, the entertainment was awful, and that's why I'm going to give Ian a 4."
30.
#amazingphotos Sand, magnified over 100 times, looks like this.
31.
Sam Smith's smartened up a bit since he found success.
32.
Alright bus, no need to show off.
33.
Huge cockup at the Aretha Franklin tribute show tonight Disappointing, as she spelt it out to them more than once
34.
Time of death... *Winks at the other surgeons* ...Pimms o'clock.
35.
This list reads like a Hugh Grant character introducing himself
36.
*scientist cradles scotch egg in hands* *a tiny fist breaks through the crumbs; a scotsman hatches* *Jurassic park theme swells on bagpipes*
37.
A chilling warning for the old people in my village.
38.
Corbyn about to pop a House of Cards monologue right through the fourth wall
39.
Currently stuck in Paddington. Turns out marmalade is NOT a good lubricant.
40.
Said nobody in the east end of Glasgow ever.
41.
This is my favourite picture of the Bee Gees.