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1.
When you have Bake Off at 8pm but Stone Roses at 10pm
2.
How do I tell them?? #Brexit
3.
Just got to tennis. Boyfriend has taken my racket out and put a frying pan in instead. I'm not even joking.
4.
Weather forecast predictions for my mood as well as the weather
5.
wow huge congrats to toilet
6.
Needless to say, I don't think it's good news.
7.
Desperately trying to trick myself into doing some work
8.
I see you Madeley, with Shrek and that lass, Shrek and that lass, Shrek and that lass, I see you Madeley…
9.
well this killed me
10.
I want a sitcom about these neighbours
11.
When you voted to leave the EU but you gunna die soon so it's not your problem
12.
The 7 yo's got a flair for the dramatic.
13.
It's fine. Nothing will actually happen until Mary Berry triggers Arctic Roll 50. #Breadxit #GBBO
14.
Imagine the trouble she has trying to introduce herself in France.
15.
I believe Slash and Axl actually came to blows over this first draft.
16.
To anyone attending the Bohemian Rhapsody rehearsal this afternoon, we're up in the treehouse...
17.
No Scottish shortbread for you little man!
18.
Remember when Dennis Waterman ruled England from 1553-1558?
19.
Manic Street Preachers tried to warn us, but we didn't listen...
20.
#WorldBookDay Forgot they had to be in costume, so they're going to school as pages 89 & 165 of the Argos catalogue
21.
Coming soon to Thorpe Park: the value of the pound
22.
I'm not saying that David Bowie was holding the fabric of the universe together, but *gestures broadly at everything*
23.
Take back control. No you take it back. No you fucking take it. You touched it last.
24.
Roses are red, violets are blue
25.
If you can hear us Margaret, move a glass.
26.
Feel sorry for all you idiots still stuck doing "Netflix and chill".
27.
Every time I see this poster I think it's an advert for Paul Mcartney's new album
28.
Because who better to represent "happily ever after"?
29.
Very sad to see that the gender pay gap persists even in the anthropomorphic hoover community.
30.
My mate forgot to sign out of the 'find my phone' app on my tablet so I now always know where he is
31.
leave voters realising they've absolutely shafted us all but still trying to pretend they're pleased wae the result
32.
Who needs 10,000 characters when Twitter produces this gold in 140?
33.
Convince people you have American teeth, by putting a train ticket in your mouth
34.
3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3yo: Will he love it? Me: Yes.
35.
"Where has fucking Rhodesia gone?"
36.
this is what you've done. i hope you feel bad.
37.
Lawyer: Relax you'll be fine. There's no way the judge will be a expert in vegetable theft *judge walks in* Me: Shit
38.
I'm not ready for another referendum.
39.
No need to brag mate
40.
The no smoking with kids in the car law is going well.
41.
has anyone ever read something so beautiful and poetic
42.
Seriously In 20 years time and you're at a pub quiz and a question starts with "in what year" Just answer 2016
43.
We have to stop saying Brexit, because Stan thinks we are saying biscuits.
44.
Worst. Tinder bio. Ever.
45.
Finally an opinion i want to hear