1. Why must you cremate your bacon, so?
2. What the fuck is going on here?
3. And while we're on toilets – what's with the giant gaps?!
4. And while we're STILL on toilets... why do yours have so much water in them?!
And I'm not alone...
5. Do you seriously think this is a sausage roll?
And in case you were wondering, THIS is a sausage roll.
6. Why is no one capable of parking their own car?
7. What terrible things have all your electrical sockets seen that mean they all look so traumatised?!
8. Why do all bags have dogs in them?
9. Are all American politicians so open about such things?
10. Do you really think you look cool riding a hoverboard?
11. Isn't there something weird about celebrating Christmas when it's nice outside?
12. Why the fuck does this house have a turret?
13. Is it not a bit worrying that there were more people taking photos of this star than any other on the Walk of Fame?
14. What's with all the flags?
Oh look, ANOTHER FLAG.
15. Do you have any plans for all that space in the middle?
16. Do you find this as funny as I did?
17. Why is all your money the same?
Again, I like your money. It's iconic, and has load of well-dressed dead guys on it. But the problem comes when you're in a slightly dark bar and IT ALL LOOKS THE SAME.
Each denomination is exactly the same size, and near as damn it the same colour. Which is exactly why after one or seven beers I may have tipped a waitress $20 for a solitary drink. You're just lucky it was the best darned drink I'd ever had, America.