1.
The crisps that are best left for a special occasion.
2.
The crisps that forgot the golden rule of crisps: NEVER MAKE CRISPS TASTE LIKE FUCKING FRUIT.
3.
The crisps that aren't actually crisps but we had to include because some jeb end made them taste like cake. Cake.
4.
Crisps? Great. Parsnip? Sure, why not, we're up for trying new things. Honey? Hmmm. Manuka? Fuck off.
5.
The crisps that need to ducking duck the Gressingham duck off.
6.
The crisps that come in a bag that resembles your great aunt's living room.
7.
The crisps that are inevitably infinitely less tasty than either the beef or the red wine on the bag.
8.
And they're not the only ones pissing about with wine. Don't get us wrong, we love wine. But just keep it out of our crisps, OK?
9.
The crisps that are trying to make you feel like shit as you devour your bag of Skips.
10.
The crisps that make your piss smell funny. You don't get that with Chipsticks.
11.
The crisps that are best eaten while watching Downton Abbey and laughing maniacally at those less fortunate than you.
12.
The crisps that seem to forget the real flavour of summer is after-sun and sporting disappointment.
13.
The crisps that make you wish you lived somewhere they don't celebrate Christmas, like the moon, or the seventh circle of Hell.
14.
The crisps that are flavoured with authentic North Yorkshire Spanish sausage like that's actually a shitting thing.
15.
The crisps that were manufactured by someone who asked, "How can we make salt and vinegar 70% more hateful?"
16.
The crisps that could – and we're going out on a limb here – probably be eaten by people who aren't playing cricket.
17.
The crisps that make you think there's probably better things you can do with a lobster. Like eating them. Or throwing them at crisp manufacturers.
18.
The crisps that teach you "when life gives you lemons, put them in crisps and RUIN EVERYTHING".
19.
The crisps that are not fried, not baked, so not worth your energy.
20.
The crisps that, in a radical move, someone decided to flavour with potato. Of course they did.
21.
Likewise with these. But it's OK because these ones are red.
23.
Horseradish? Horse shit. Now where's the Monster Munch?
24.
The crisps that are probably quite nice but SHUSH THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
25.
And finally the crisps that taste like mud, BO, and (more often than not) Coldplay.