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28 Middle-Class Waitrose Problems That Are Way, Way Too Real

For everyone who knows what it feels like to run out of samphire.

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1. When the G&T isn't quite right.

Have @waitrose Keynsham stopped selling unwaxed limes? Have you tried making a drink with the waxed ones??? Help!

2. When Surrey life gets you down.

No lemongrass, no coriander, no ginger, no prawns in @waitrose #unacceptable I live in Surbiton. Not Beirut.

3. When you bought all that avocado for nothing.

Disastrous Sunday morning. This offensive @waitrose Surbiton parbaked baguette almost ruined our huevos rancheros.


4. When you know that they don't have to put up with this shit in Sainsbury's.

Big design fault in Crouch End Waitrose is that you can't see all of the self service checkouts because of pillars in the way #architecture

5. When the word "free" comes with a very real price.

Very disappointed to learn that free tea with my new shining @waitrose card did not include chamomile

6. When you know what you can't live without but others disagree.

Biggest letdown of the night: Waitrose Essentials Quinoa turns out not to exist. Yet.

7. When they know how to hit you where it hurts.

Email from Waitrose: "Unfortunately we have had to remove bespoke quails eggs from our Pick Your Own Offers"


8. When it's not just the lemons leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

No feta in today's feta & lemon quinoa salad from @waitrose

9. When you get shit for liking the finer things in life.

Sick of people judging me because my mum shops at Waitrose

10. When you try something new and instantly regret it.

Serious issue: my calorie counter app doesn't have roasted venison and spiced squash luncheon. Should have got my usual from Waitrose

11. When your worst fears are realised.

Waitrose on Gloucester road has run out of kale. I REPEAT, WAITROSE IS OUT OF KALE.


12. When you see how the other half live. If you can call it a life...

Nightmare! Waitrose was closed so had to go to Sainsbury's- at the self check out Butternut squash wasn't even in the list of popular items.

13. When you're forced to take a gamble with non-organic produce.


14. When you're not mad. You're just disappointed.

I cannot believe how poor the selection of #christmastree #lights are at @waitrose

15. When quality control lets you down.

17 pips in one satsuma... Waitrose we need to speak.


16. When you realise you could do so much better.

Final straw with @waitrose #beckenham today, awful new layout and terrible stock levels. #beckenhamneedsagreengrocer

17. I mean what self respecting shopper can go without a rotisserie?

New Waitrose in West Hampstead brings very little that isn't already offered by Tescos and Sainsburys. No deli counter or rotisserie - shame

18. When they refuse to give you all the free things.

Waitrose Bath's coffee machine has been out of order for days. It's costing me a fortune!

19. When they definitely don't know the rule.

Hi @waitrose was wondering why you keep sending me white bagels instead of cinnamon and wholemeal?you no the rule"if it's white don't bite?


20. When it's 7am and you need your sourdough fix.

Queuing for Waitrose to open so I can get emergency bread flour to make sourdough loaf #sad #addicted

21. When you know that British asparagus > all other asparagus.

What is it with @Waitrose getting all of their asparagus from Peru?! British Asparagus is the best in the world by far, and in-season.

22. When you want your sea herbs and you want them now.

Worst day ever. Waitrose has run out of samphire.

23. When betrayal feels so much worse when it's from the people you love the most.

I'm eating chorizo soup but their is no chorizo in it at all. I trusted you waitrose


24. When you don't want to know about fast-churned butter.

OMG this is a nightmare. Waitrose don't have any Lurpak slow churned butter

25. When it never rains but it pours.

In @waitrose struggling to find the creamed spinach AND they have run out of reduced fat humous!

26. When you've been wronged and demand retribution.

@waitrose my Chateauneuf from you was corked... how can you help?

27. When your Nebuchadnezzar won't fit in the bottle bank.

First world problems outside Waitrose this morning


28. And finally, when you realise that maybe – just maybe – everything will be OK.

The global food crisis has officially ended. Waitrose has fragrant Thai rice again. Panic over.