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33 Funny Tweets To Make Britain Laugh Because That's All We've Got Left

Amusing strangers on the internet, we are forever in your debt.

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1.

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose football. Choose being Chelsea's new backup central defender.

2.

Mum has been asked to make canapรฉs for a WI party. There is no theme. She has made:

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4.

Imagine a night out with this mental bastard.

5.

At what age do you stop pulling leaves off bushes when you're walking? Asking for a mate

6.

When u check ur online banking after a fat sesh

7.

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8.

Member the days when ur dads mysterious pal could get u a shitey dvd copy of a film that wasnt due to come out for abt 3 years

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10.

I love how this dog looks at this egg, like he's learned absolutely nothing.

11.

Man said "win or lose, we're on the booze" on live tv after getting bad results ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

12.

Do not understand how people can sleep with the buttoned side of the covers at the top ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚ weird behaviour ๐Ÿ™‚

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14.

May go barefoot to collect results so people ask where my shoes are instead of what did I get

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17.

The shameful legacy of Bullseye continues to blight our streets.

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18.

Was just at the bank n a wee old wife says to me "could ye check ma balance son" so a pushed her

19.

We keep being told Welsh is uselss. Well, guess my password, motherfuckers.

20.

Dropped my phone in the middle of a video on a night out.

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23.

"This vegan curry looks tasty, and I like how it has pictures of the ingred... is that a fucking shoe?"

25.

HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA

26.

Surely no ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

27.

Playing Tame Impala while watching the dressage is a lot more entertaining

28.

Are u even at work if u and your work pals don't say 'i can't be arsed' every single time you walk past each over

30.

When you think you may have had an allergic reaction to the lobster bisque but you don't want to make a fuss & inteโ€ฆ https://t.co/YHGF4D5VVD

31.

When you lie on your CV but still get the job.

32.

โ€œDonโ€™t cry, Karen. My lawyer says we'll beat these charges. They got nothing on me. Kiss the kids. Keep strong.โ€

33.

Always surprises me how many sheep are into paintball.

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