Buzz·Posted on 3 Oct 201726 Funny British Tweets Because Funny British Tweets Are All We Have Left"Been absolutely shattered since about year 8."by Robin EddsBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Mr Roger Quimbly @RogerQuimbly World’s shittiest petting zoo 09:12 AM - 26 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Ben @mrbenjiweb "Did ya say ya want scraps wi' them fish 'n' chips, love?" 08:06 PM - 26 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Daniel Ayers 😒 @yodaniel 20yrs of personal tube platform expertise and competitive commuting advantage rendered useless by some green paint. 10:03 AM - 12 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Oliver Caswell @olicaswell Been absolutely shattered since about year 8 04:55 PM - 24 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Simon Hunt @Simian01 Axl Rose's metamorphosis into Benny Hill is almost complete. 10:53 AM - 01 Oct 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Rian 🇬🇧 @RianThomson1 Boy behind the bar said to jason "£4 a pint £8 a pitcher" jason goes "were no wanting a photo just a pint please" 😂😂😂😂😂 05:01 PM - 01 Oct 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Ed Brody @chiefbrody1984 Somewhat dubious scenes spotted in the background of a friend's 4yo's school book 10:15 AM - 24 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Ian Gunster @ianGUNSTA Dream aboot winning the lottery at least 10 times a day... pretty optimistic as a dinny even buy lottery tickets 10:08 AM - 28 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Rufus Sewell @FredrikSewell Maybe it sounds more family friendly with an American accent. 11:58 PM - 25 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Holly @hollbrown_ Customers just asked me what perfume I've got on, didn't have the heart to tell her I'd febreze'd myself so I said it were Marc Jacobs ffs 07:50 AM - 10 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Tristan Cooper @TristanACooper There's a Thomas the Tank episode where a stubborn train is punished by being entombed alive forever and it's worse… https://t.co/4mTSLYGCPY 04:45 PM - 28 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. hoskas @hoskas When your duck is actually really posh 10:38 AM - 18 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. tom jamieson @jamiesont Used to piss me off seeing Xmas stuff in shops in Sept, now just admire their blind optimism that we'll still be around in three months time 07:56 AM - 24 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. 15. Suze Azzopardi @TheAzzo An owl having the most Kate Bush moment ever. 05:46 PM - 09 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. David @Gobias___ Never forget when Roy Hodgson saw himself on the big screen while England were getting beat by Iceland and pretende… https://t.co/7XTsiDh3px 07:37 PM - 25 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Richie @richiekpuk 17 years ago today the fittest girl in my year said happy birthday to me and I said it back and I still think about it roughly 9 times a day 09:19 AM - 30 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. 🕸️Havin' Friends🎃 @GeshGav 08:12 AM - 14 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. loz @lipyatt Idk who’s idea hash browns were but they deserve a fuckin knighthood 10:34 AM - 01 Oct 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Steve Hogarty @misterbrilliant Uber has 21 days to appeal TfL's decision. Wait, 14 days. No, 22 days. Hang on, it's 5 days now. Oh no they're here quick put your shoes on. 10:41 AM - 22 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Sean Leahy @thepunningman The UKIP lion looks like it's just been told its dinner is halal. 10:43 AM - 29 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Alice Orr-Ewing @aliceorrewing Come and see this play about chronic neck pain! 05:10 PM - 25 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Becs @becca_green_ Imagine trying some boots on in topshop and turn round to see a lady walking up and down in YOUR sandles..FUMING😷 01:44 PM - 16 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Andy Ha @_AndyHa Tell me why Ain't nothin' but a heartache 12:40 PM - 17 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. James W.B. @dontforgetjames Well there you go, I've found the winner of grindr. 07:29 PM - 11 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. A N N E K A ✨ @anniemadgett Michael buble is probably defrosting as we speak 04:59 PM - 26 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite