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This Is What Everyone From Aberdeen Thinks When They Walk Down Union Street

This is our Broadway. Only with seagulls, and without almost everything else.

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1. Fitlike, Castlegate!

2. I wonder why they call it Castlegate.

3. I mean, I can't see a castle or a gate.

4. I suppose "huge grey expanse" didn't really have the same ring to it.

5. I still can't believe they turned E&M's into a Jamie's Italian.

7. WTF is antipasti anyway? Someone who's totally opposed to Greggs?

8. Ooh, could go a steak bake now actually.

9. There's one! Ah, you're never far from a Greggs in Aberdeen.

10. Aye, I'll have a steak bake please, love.

12. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

13. Should probably let it cool down first.

14. Oh great, now I'm being followed by a seagull. Fuck off!

15. Hmmm, quite tempted by the Prince of Wales. I could just text a friend and...

16. Best not, otherwise I'll stay there all day.

17. Oh no, this is where it starts going uphill.

18. Should have gone to the Prince of Wales. I can go to the shops any time.

19. The 'Nage! I'm sure I've cut a few mad shapes in there. Can't really remember though, it's all a bit fuzzy.

20. Remember the old Virgin Megastore? And the separate games shop! Glory days.

21. My mum still calls it the old Boots.

22. What is it now? Oh, who cares.

23. "Art gallery at end of this street". Aye, sure, that's the main reason why people go down Belmont.

24. Bet it was windy before they built the shops on this bit.

25. Say what you will about the Trinity Centre, but it pretty much justifies its existence as a massive windbreak.

26. Ah, there's that road that was supposed to solve all of Aberdeen's traffic problems.

27. Never see anyone on it.

28. Oh hi, Edward VII. How are you and your seagull friends?

29. Seriously, the seagulls.

30. I'm sure that's the same one I saw outside Greggs. He's following me.

31. If Hitchcock had been from Aberdeen he'd have made The Birds just about seagulls.

32. It would have been way more terrifying.

33. Hmm, you forget how grey Aberdeen is after a while.

34. Another grey building.

35. Grey grey grey.

36. They say that when it rains and the sun comes out you can see the buildings sparkle.

37. Shame that never, ever happens.

38. Love the Music Hall though. You can keep your SECC, Glasgow, this is a proper venue.

39. Thank god, it's finally starting to level off a bit.

40. Are we Walking The Mat yet?

41. I think this is Walking The Mat.

42. My granddad told me about it.

43. Wait, hold on: How long's this Pret a Manger been here?

44. Good grief, you certainly don't get those in Banchory.

45. Aberdeen's turning into bloody London.

46. I'm not even sure I know how to say Pret a Manger. I'll just stick to Greggs, thanks.

47. Does no one else find it a bit weird that they put a casino in a church?

48. And every time I go in it's 4am and I end up having an all-day breakfast.

49. Only Aberdonians would think of immediately spending their roulette winnings on a plate of black pudding.

50. Ah, Bruce Miller's. Now that's a real tragedy.

51. A proper rite of passage for anyone getting serious about music and hoping to become the next Annie Lennox or, um, Travis. Too bad it's gone.

52. Summer Street? Whoever named it was clearly taking the piss.

53. Should be called Permanent Drizzle Avenue.

54. Ah, The Capitol. So depressing that they turned it into offices.

55. At least it's not Oscar's anymore though. That staircase was a death trap after a couple of drinks.

56. Also, who knew floors could get so sticky? Especially after that 2-4-1 cocktail "hour" that seemed to last for days.

57. Hey, this is about it!

58. Shall I push on down Holburn Street or Alford Place?

59. Gonna finish this steak bake while I decide.

60. Might just turn around actually, it's all downhill on the way back.

61. And I'm definitely going to stop in the Prince of Wales this time.


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