1.
My 4-year-old's timeline for getting dressed: 7:00 AM: 0 socks on 7:08 AM: 1 sock on 7:38 AM: 2 socks on 7:39 AM: 1 sock on
2.
My daughter just asked me why a pinecone isn't shaped like a cone, and I had no choice but to fake a seizure.
3.
Me: "You're going to bed in 5 minutes." 6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
4.
5.
9: This sucks! I hate you! I wish you weren't my parents! wife on Facebook: 9 is doing the laundry! He's such a good helper!
6.
Parenting multiple kids is mostly just trying to keep the awake ones quiet enough that the sleeping ones stay asleep.
7.
My 6 year old's superpower is knowing he doesn't like what we're having for dinner 2 hours before I've even decided what I'm making.
8.
Toys need to be priced according to how long your child will actually play with them.
9.
Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby. -Kids
10.
11.
wife: Let's fool around after the kids go to bed narrator: But they never did fool around
12.
Why I should accomplish all my goals today: 1) I'm motivated. 2) I'm ambitious. 3) I planned ahead. Why I won’t: 1) Kids
13.
My 4 year old has been talking for 23 years
14.
Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU. Me: Wonderful? H: M: Charming? H: M: Light of your life? H: [leaves room] Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL?
15.
My toddler eats with her right hand but is ambidextrous when it comes to total destruction.
16.
17.
"There's no school or work tomorrow, so you can sleep in," I begged my 4-year-old.
18.
Being a parent is making everything easier for your kids while your kids do the exact opposite for you.
19.
"DON'T YELL AT ME FROM ACROSS THE HOUSE, JUST COME TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED!!!" I scream from the couch in the living room.
20.
My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing.
21.
"I want a snack." - my kids, while they're eating
22.
I'm just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.
23.
I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around