1. They don’t really have a spinny red light outside, do they?
2. Oh, they totally do.
3. Do I look more like a perv if I stay out here? Or if I go inside?
4. Shouldn't have brought my SO with me.
5. But I don’t want to go in alone either.
6. Hold on. We’re inside now. We are inside. In the shop.
7. Oh, there’re the staff. I thought they might have had self-service checkouts.
8. Shit, they said hello. Act natural. You are comfortable here.
9. Go and look at one of the displays. Just like in a supermarket.
10. That’s good - there actually are books in here. Useful.
11. Wait. What're those?
12. Look at those. I think I see how they work. No, wait. I don’t. I don’t get it. Is that a hook? WHERE DO YOU HANG THEM?
13. Look somewhere else. Don’t knock anything over, or you might have to touch the things. The scary, scary things.
14. Hey, that’s the thing for taking pizzas out of the oven in a nice restaurant.
15. Lube! Lubeylubeylube. I think Americans call it lotion, don’t they? Maybe.
17. Blorp. That bottle would definitely go blorp.
18. Moving on, I suppose.
19. D’aww, it’s called a Flexi Felix. Made in Germany, waterproof… This thing has better engineering than my car.
20. Felix is far friendlier than most of the things in here. Everything suddenly looks like this:
21. Aha! We have reached Planet Dildo. A rainbow of dildos and vibrators.
22. Does a vibrating dildo count as a vibrator, or a dildo? I should ask.
23. So glad I brought my SO with me.
24. Is mine meant to be that size? Or that shape, come to think of it.
25. I bet you could press that one’s base against the tiles in the shower, and that it would stay put. How clever.
26. What if my nephew comes over, and finds a vibe hidden in a box?
27. What’s that? Oh, Christ, that’s a humbler. I can feel my nuts shrinking away in fear. Stop looking at the humbler.
28. Some of these are jokes, surely? Someone out there’s having a laugh.
29. How many drugs would you need to prepare your body for all this?
30. “Cock cuff.” No, that’s surely something that belongs in sink piping.
31. There’s a pastry crimper in a glass cabinet. It looks like this. Just a nice, run-of-the-mill pastry crimper.
32. It’s a violet wand! I’ve heard of those! Leave it alone.
33. I wonder if my parents ever went in a sex shop.
34. Nope. That never happened. My parents had me, and that was it. Nothing else happened. Ever.
35. Just grab something. Doesn’t matter what, just act like you know what it is.
36. No. Oh, God. No. Put that down.
37. Bugger. My SO has appeared, holding something far more... sensible. And I'm there, stuck, holding the foot-vagina.
38. What's my SO going to say?
39. How I feel.
40. How the cashier responds.
41. Time to go. This had better have been worth it. Let's get out of here.
Many of these gifs come from HELL, a sex shop comedy that's looking for backers on Kickstarter right now. Completely independent, with a brilliant premise and slick writing, this promises to be a blast. Click here or on the image for more info.
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