2. Unless you were a girl, in which case … no; you played it too.
What is this “hockey” of which you speak? I played hooker for the school team…
3. Actually, rain was a big part of your childhood.
SHE DOESN’T EVEN LOOK APOLOGETIC. Swansea is the UK’s rainiest city. That’s before you mention the rest of the counties. And you know it.
7. … and took some pretty rubbish trains to get there.
First Great Western / Arriva Trains Wales. Get it together, the pair of you. Weather like this shouldn’t be a surprise any more.
This too. I know there aren’t many people here. So HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
8. You, like all sane people, have a healthy sense of self-preservation around people from the Valleys.
Your English friends still don’t know there’s a difference.
No, seriously, I didn’t watch the show. What’s going on in this picture?
9. You couldn’t escape when your nan decided it was time for a “cwtch”
And you were always okay with it. Because she was probably about to cook you something phenomenal.
10. Because Cardiff wasn’t an option, your weekends involved cans of drink and bonfires on an empty beach …
“I’m not going for a midnight swim this time.” You always do. It’s a miracle nobody drowned, come to think of it.
You also probably got into a little huff if you didn’t have the beach all to yourselves.
11. … and you’ve most likely cut your foot open on last week’s forgotten cans.
Let’s face it, we were all pretty stupid teenagers around there. We generally thought that an empty can, buried far enough, was gone forever. Yeah, that’s not how sand works. Not when the sea (so rudely) moves it twice a day.
You can’t surf.
13. Seriously, how do some of your pals seem rather good at this?
“I’d love to go with you, but I … er … maybe another time?” Don’t show me up!
14. This was a cool thing to watch in the winter. Watch.
“Fancy going for a sw-“ “NO.”
16. You’ve started supporting this bunch, now that they’re doing rather well.
“I AM a proper fan! I liked them last month, too!”
17. St. David’s Day in primary school! No classes, and you get to dress up like this:
19. On other days, in Welsh class, you tried to get your head around this sort of thing:
Sali Mali. Are you high? Jackdaws can’t talk, dear.
20. Come secondary school, your History classes had turned into veneration of these two men.
PM David Lloyd George. And founder of the NHS, Aneurin Bevan. Enough said.
21. You couldn’t even escape in English class, where this guy was waiting for you.
Dylan Thomas. Why didn’t they tell us about the cool bits? Like where he drank 18 whiskies in a row? That’d be far more useful … oh, wait; the whisky killed him, did it? Maybe not.
22. Did I mention the rain? And the wind? And the tides?
Amroth, Pembrokeshire, 3/JAN/2014.
24. You won’t hear a bad word about ‘Doctor Who’.
Russell T Davies is from here. And you’d have liked ’Torchwood’ more were it not set in Taffyland. You also know that the Library is a real place - it’s the Brangwyn Hall in Swansea.
27. You’ve heard every sheep joke in the book.
(and sympathise with New Zealanders, who get the exact same thing)
(some of them are actually quite funny)
30. … and they’re half-right …
It’s quite likely that the nearest big city to you was Dublin.
31. … it’s yours. You wouldn’t change a thing about it.
Well, except for the weather, perhaps?
Actually, scrap that; it’s still awesome.
32. And, no matter where you end up, it’ll always be your proper home.
(You didn’t really think that your nan was going to let you disappear that easily, did you?)