You will end up with someone you talked to just earlier today. Before that, you will have an affair in a foreign country. You will have 13 children. You and your lover will travel the world together, on a pizza tour.

You will end up with someone you met in the last month. Before that, you will have a dalliance with someone who is married. You will have 12 children. You and your lover will be famous on the internet.

You will end up with someone you’ve been best friends with for over two years. Before that, you will date eight people, all of whom will suck. You will have 11 children. You and your lover will get married on a ship.

You will end up with someone you work with right now. Before that, you will think you hate them, but will forgive them when you discover their hidden genius. You will have 10 children. You and your lover will go on a yearlong honeymoon on a ship.

You will end up with someone you texted in the last day. Before that, you will move across the country to be with someone who will turn out to be an idiot. You will have nine children. You and your lover will have the same number of letters in your first name.

You will end up with someone you will meet later this week. Before that, you will date a teacher. You will have eight children. You and your lover will have the same color hair.

You will end up alone. Before that, you will date so many idiots you met on the internet that you will literally lose hope and choose this for yourself. You will have seven children and four dogs.

You will end up with someone you dated once before, but have since broken up with. They will forgive you after you show up at their doorstep in the rain and make a speech. You will have five children. You and your lover will sing duets together.

You will end up with someone famous. Before that, you will date three non-famous people very briefly. You will have four children. You and your lover will find joy in gardening together on moonlit nights.

You will end up with someone you you really, really hate right now. You will fall in love with them because they will save your life. You will have six children. You and your lover will both date three people before falling in love with each other.

You will end up with the co-worker you have a crush on. Before that, you will marry someone who you’re about to meet this week. You will have two children. You and your lover will live happily ever after. In Germany.

You will end up with someone who lives very, very close to you. Before that, you will travel the world and have steamy sex with foreign strangers. You will have one child. You and your lover will both become the first people in the world to be addicted to napping.

You will end up with someone who is from a place very, very far away from you. Before that, you will marry your childhood neighbor. You will have two children. You and your lover will get a cat and name it Gaston.

You will end up with someone your best friend dated, whom you always thought was pretty hot but off-limits. Before that, you will become famous without meaning to. It will bring you lots of unintentional romantic attention. You will have three children. You and your lover will share an Instagram account.

You will end up with someone you met abroad. Before that, you will rekindle your romance with your middle school lover briefly. You’ll break up for the same reason as before. You will have four children. You and your lover will live in many different countries together.

You will end up with someone British. Before that, you will date someone your mom really hates. She will turn out to be right. You will have five children. You and your lover will bond over your hatred for reality television.

You will end up with someone a lot like your ex. Before that, you will briefly have a friends-with-benefits situation with a co-worker. You will have six children. You and your lover will win the lottery. Literally. You will win lots of money and never work again.

You will end up with someone who can sing really well. Before that, you will have an affair with a pro athlete. You will have seven children. You and your lover will raise them on a farm. One of them will be a supermodel. The rest will look average.

You will end up with someone with a lot of Twitter followers. Before that, you will move across the country for a job. You will have eight children. You and your lover will have sex at least once a day, if not two or three times.

You will end up with the last person you hugged. Before that, you will have sex on a plane with someone you just met. You will have nine children. You and your lover will keep hugging every day until you die together, mid-hug. Books will be written about your beautiful love story.

You will end up with the last person you texted an emoji to. Before that, you will marry the last person who posted on your Facebook timeline. You will have 10 children. You and your lover will have a small backyard wedding. You will get too drunk and have to throw up in the bushes.

You will end up with someone who’s very far away at this moment. Before that, you will briefly date someone who lives in Brooklyn. You will vow never to go to Brooklyn again. You will have 11 children. You and your lover will end up moving to Brooklyn anyway.

You will end up with someone who is in the room right now. Before that, you will quietly lust after them for years. You will have 12 children. You and your lover will sometimes be mistaken for siblings. It will be awkward for everybody involved, every single time.

You will end up with the person you had a crush on in 10th grade. Before that, you will meet a lot of idiots on online dating sites. You will have 13 children. You and your lover will become famous in a small European country for no predictable reason.

You will end up with someone who doesn’t speak your first language. Before that, you will learn theirs. You will have 14 children. They will all be bilingual, at least.

You will end up with a lot of cats. You will have 17 children. Don’t ask questions to answers you don’t want.