Saif, Bro, What?

    Since your publicists aren't telling you to STFU, take it from me: STFU.

    Alright buddies, let's dive in. You remember this, no?

    :: shook ::

    And then, more recently, you remember this also, na?

    Well. In the days since IIFA, Karan Johar and Varun Dhawan have apologised for that joke. But in lieu of an apology, Mr. Khan said he doesn't get all the outrage, and that maybe starkids are just more talented! It's genetics!

    And as of today, he has penned an open letter about the outrage he received for that ^ statement. It starts off pretty ok, tbh.

    It was not supposed to be a big deal, but I realised at some point, that it might have offended Kangana (Ranaut). I called her and apologised personally. That should be the end of it. Everybody needs to take a chill pill and back off.

    So he's apologised to Ranaut and he wants the outrage to die down. Cool, sounds fine. Nice.

    But then, before we've had a chance to swallow his prescribed chill pill, he goes on to THIS:

    I think it’s extremely relevant in a conversation on nepotism, which means family favouritism, to talk about genetics and eugenics. Eugenics means well born and in a movie context, the genes of, let’s say Dharmendra’s son or Amitabh Bachchan’s son or for that matter, Sharmila Tagore’s son come into play.

    NO, SAIF, NO. Eugenics does NOT mean "well-born".

    "Eugenics" means making some people reproduce – if you find their traits desirable – and wiping out folks with less desirable traits. The most famous historical example of someone who believed in eugenics is, well...

    In other words, Saif believes that Bollywood isn't nepotistic. It just breeds stars with stars to produce stars.

    I can hear you thinking, "Ey, Rega, he didn't say that! Don't put words in his mouth!" BUDDY, I DON'T NEED TO. He *actually* went on to say this himself:

    If you need another example, then take race horses. We take a derby winner, mate him with the right mate and see if we can create another grand national winner. So, in that sense, this is the relationship between genetics and star kids. Hope that’s clear?

    Yes, friends. Like racehorses, he says, actors bang actors to make actors and that's... fine?

    All this gets fairly creeptastic when you put it in the context of his life. He, an actor birthed of an actor, married Amrita Singh, an actor...

    And their daughter is rumoured to be making a Bollywood launch any moment now.

    Gets much weirder when you put his "eugenics" comments in the context of his current wife, queen and legend Kareena Kapoor Khan, an actress herself (duhz) and one from a long dynastic line of stars.

    And, finally, as if this all weren't bizarre enough, Saif rounds it all up by presenting himself as an example of genetic blessedness:

    Yes, maybe I got a chance because of my mother, but that is more genetics than nepotism. It’s a genetic investment that the producer was making.

    Me IRL:

    I skipped over a few deets of his open letter, but aside from this Hitleresque philosophising, he also:

    • Shits on social media.

    • Says Bollywood is the least nepotistic industry of all.

    • Misdefines "aristocracy" as "rule by the best" rather than "rule of the highest classes," which is what it actually means. Dead giveaway, tbqh, that he believes class = talent, which means he's missed the WHOOOOOLE point of the WHOOOOLE nepotism debate.

    • Shits on mainstream media.

    • Says Arjun Kapoor is talented and all his films are hits. (Literally even Arjun Kapoor wouldn't try to argue this.)

    • Hurls super sexist insults at an Elle writer ("Perhaps if you got your head out of the hemline of the actress of the month and read a book, your vocabulary might improve.")

    • Ends his 1,000 words of alternating complaining and explaining with the advice, "Never complain and never explain".

    You can read the whole open letter here if you hate your brain cells and want to lose some. I need a nap.