30 Brilliant Life Improvement Tips From Tom Haverford
“Sometimes you gotta work a little… So you can ball a lot.”
2. Line your shoes with red carpeting to lead a glamorous life.
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3. Use your pop culture knowledge to seem like an expert on anything.
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4. When life hands you lemons, take it as a cue to party.
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5. Even when you’re looking out for other people, remember to look out for yourself.
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6. Devote one day every year to self-care.
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9. Figure out a daily routine that works and stick to it.
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11. Win every bet you ever partake in… By betting on every possible option.
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14. Use Beyoncé as a frame of reference to describe everything.
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15. Hold on to a spirit of creative entrepreneurship.
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Other investment ideas include: “Make-A-Baby Tuxedo clothing line. A department store with a guest list. White fur earmuffs for men. Contact lenses that display text messages. Invent a phone that smells good. Own a nightclub, call it Eclipse, that’s only open for one hour two times a year. Cover charge? Five thousand dollars.”
16. If someone farts during a heart attack, cope by referring to their medical condition as a “fart attack.”
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18. Be willing to make sacrifices for the things you care about.
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19. Streamline the dating process by having a comprehensive list of dating Oh No Nos.
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22. Tweak your household appliances for maximum partying efficiency.
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23. Install imaginary snooze buttons into anyone you find boring. Never be bored again.
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25. Have someone pre-instructed to clear your browser history in case of emergency.
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