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    17 Struggles You'll Only Understand If Your Parents Don't Know You Smoke

    "Me? Smoke? Nooooooooo that smell is from... uhh... my colleagues."

    1. You have your city mapped out into areas you can and can't smoke.

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    I.e. where your parents will never show up and where they juuust might.

    2. And you have an elaborate post-smoke routine to destroy all the evidence.

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    3. You wash your hands right after so the smell doesn't get on your possessions.

    4. And hand sanitizer is your best friend for emergencies.

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    5. You never leave home without gum in your purse or pocket.

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    6. You don't buy perfumes based on their scent, but on how good they are at overpowering other smells.


    And you douse yourself in some every time you're about to see your parents.

    7. As an awesome side-effect of your paranoia, you always smell incredible.

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    8. You never buy a whole pack because you can't take it home.


    9. So your friends often get to take home your leftover cigs, which they obviously love.

    10. You have a drawer in your room that you guard like it's your firstborn. That's where errant lighters live.

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    11. If your parents ever ask why you smell like an ashtray, you blame your friends.


    (Which means your parents think your friends smoke like god damn chimneys.)

    12. If you have long hair, it acts as a horrifying smoke and smell-trap.

    13. You're extremely talented at making up stories on the spot.

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    Thanks to those moments when your mom finds a lighter in your room and starts asking too many questions.

    14. You've tried smoking in the bathroom at home and have an extensive routine of track-covering.

    And you have to evaluate if it's worth having an heart attack for a little nicotine kick.

    15. Your friends think you're paranoid.

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    But you know your parents are bloodhounds and you're just doin' what you gotta do.

    16. All your practice being a shady secret smoker has made you an expert at spotting others.

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    17. And hey, at least your nicotine addiction is minimal because you have to "quit" for every family vacation.


    Which is a good thing because, as with everything, this is one more thing that your parents are annoyingly right about. Smoking is terrible for you and you know it.


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