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17 Struggles You'll Only Understand If Your Parents Don't Know You Smoke

"Me? Smoke? Nooooooooo that smell is from... uhh... my colleagues."

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1. You have your city mapped out into areas you can and can't smoke.

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I.e. where your parents will never show up and where they juuust might.

2. And you have an elaborate post-smoke routine to destroy all the evidence.

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3. You wash your hands right after so the smell doesn't get on your possessions.

4. And hand sanitizer is your best friend for emergencies.

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5. You never leave home without gum in your purse or pocket.

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6. You don't buy perfumes based on their scent, but on how good they are at overpowering other smells.

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And you douse yourself in some every time you're about to see your parents.

7. As an awesome side-effect of your paranoia, you always smell incredible.

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8. You never buy a whole pack because you can't take it home.

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9. So your friends often get to take home your leftover cigs, which they obviously love.

10. You have a drawer in your room that you guard like it's your firstborn. That's where errant lighters live.

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11. If your parents ever ask why you smell like an ashtray, you blame your friends.

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(Which means your parents think your friends smoke like god damn chimneys.)

12. If you have long hair, it acts as a horrifying smoke and smell-trap.

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13. You're extremely talented at making up stories on the spot.

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Thanks to those moments when your mom finds a lighter in your room and starts asking too many questions.

14. You've tried smoking in the bathroom at home and have an extensive routine of track-covering.

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And you have to evaluate if it's worth having an heart attack for a little nicotine kick.

15. Your friends think you're paranoid.

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But you know your parents are bloodhounds and you're just doin' what you gotta do.

16. All your practice being a shady secret smoker has made you an expert at spotting others.

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17. And hey, at least your nicotine addiction is minimal because you have to "quit" for every family vacation.

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Which is a good thing because, as with everything, this is one more thing that your parents are annoyingly right about. Smoking is terrible for you and you know it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯