1.
You have your city mapped out into areas you can and can't smoke.
2.
And you have an elaborate post-smoke routine to destroy all the evidence.
3.
You wash your hands right after so the smell doesn't get on your possessions.
4.
And hand sanitizer is your best friend for emergencies.
5.
You never leave home without gum in your purse or pocket.
6.
You don't buy perfumes based on their scent, but on how good they are at overpowering other smells.
7.
As an awesome side-effect of your paranoia, you always smell incredible.
8.
You never buy a whole pack because you can't take it home.
9.
So your friends often get to take home your leftover cigs, which they obviously love.
10.
You have a drawer in your room that you guard like it's your firstborn. That's where errant lighters live.
11.
If your parents ever ask why you smell like an ashtray, you blame your friends.
12.
If you have long hair, it acts as a horrifying smoke and smell-trap.
13.
You're extremely talented at making up stories on the spot.
14.
You've tried smoking in the bathroom at home and have an extensive routine of track-covering.
15.
Your friends think you're paranoid.
16.
All your practice being a shady secret smoker has made you an expert at spotting others.
17.
And hey, at least your nicotine addiction is minimal because you have to "quit" for every family vacation.
