14 Teeny Tiny Acts Of Sexism You're Facing, Even From People Who Love You

Everyone's been conditioned by wacky norms about how to treat women, even our best friends, our families, and our baes.

Here's a thing to keep in mind before you start reading this list: Not everyone who reveals sexism is doing it maliciously. We've all – men and women alike – grown up having internalised certain stereotypes and ideas of what roles each gender plays in a home, in a workplace, and in a relationship.

The best we can do when sexism comes from people who love us isn't to respond with anger (unless you have good reason to believe it's deliberate!) but to start a productive conversation to deconstruct why we believe the things we believe, and how we can undo the conditioning that harms us.

Now you're ready. Carry on.

1. Asking a woman to order, make, prepare, or sort food, because she's "just better at it."

clipartpanda.com

No woman was born knowing how to construct meals, any more than dudes are.

2. Telling friends that certain clothes are "flattering" and therefore good.

Dharma Productions

"Flattering" is a euphemism for "this makes your body look more like a conventionally attractive body" and those conventions are pretty random.

3. In relationships, accepting that sex ends when the man orgasms.

Venus Movies

LADIES. YOUR SEXUAL PLEASURE IS AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR DUDE'S. IF HE WON'T EAT IT, TELL HIM TO BEAT IT.

4. Praising men by focusing on their work ("Sharma ji's son has an MBA and an offer from Deloitte") and praising women with a focus on much more ("Sharma ji's daughter has an MBA, an offer from Deloitte, and was such a lovely hostess.")

Imaan Sheikh

5. Celebrating men for doing domestic tasks but considering it basic expectation when a woman does the same things.

R. Balki Productions

6. Praising parents for "letting" their daughters work, or husbands for "allowing" their wives to go out with friends.

Excel Entertainment

It's true that up until recently (and for a lot of women, still) fathers and husbands have full control over their whereabouts. But we should decry that oppression, rather than treating it as exceptional when a woman has freedom.

7. Building up marriage as the ultimate ambition every girl should aspire to.

Anuya @anuyeaah

Behind every successful woman are her parents... wondering why she hasn't found someone yet and when she plans on getting married.

04:34 AM - 11 Feb 2014

8. And insisting that women are "settled" only when they've caught a hubster.

India Today / Via buzzfeed.com

9. Assuming women of the house know where everything is... Or tasking them with the searching.

Star World

"Where are my socks?"

"Where are my keys?"

"MAAAAAA where are my jeans?"

Every mom internally: "WHERE IS YOUR SHORT TERM MEMORY, YOU GROWN-ASS BABY?"

10. Dividing tasks around the house by gender – tech stuff is the dude's wheelhouse, kitchen stuff is the woman's – regardless of each person's actual abilities.

Dharma

We end up pushing folks of both genders toward dependence when we pretend women don't understand wires and dudes don't understand cutlery.

11. Pretending there's such a thing as a "friendzone".

Dharma Productions

When someone complains that a woman has "friendzoned" them, they're admitting that they kept up a friendship with the hope of getting a fuck out of it, which is actually much meaner. Friendzoning > fuckzoning.

12. Telling young girls to smile more.

Colours TV

It comes from a general burden placed on women to be likeable and pleasant, even when it's the last thing we want to be. Let resting bitch faces rest.

13. Parents saying their daughter is "like a son" as a compliment.

Aamir Khan Productions

14. And telling a girl you love that you love her because she's "not like most girls" or "other girls".

Imaan Sheikh / BuzzFeed India

This is you revealing, sandwiched in a compliment, that you don't think "most girls" and "other girls" are worth your affection. Shut the heck up.