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Thoughts When Watching The Bachelor For The First Time

This show has more drama than the Real Housewives of Melbourne. NB: I watched last nights episode (Sept 9th) before Hometowns...

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First question, how does Bachey wake up with good hair all the time?

His surname is WOOD...whether you want to take that sexually or not, its just great. (Thanks Rosie Waterland)

He is a 34 year old guy who is dating 19 women. But the show is cleverly edited we just think its all romantic. However it seems like a massive orgy that any male would be jealous.

Are the intruders actresses?

Or even just models? Because they all wake up so sexy - like i don't wake up like this.

This is like a massive orgy

That Heather chick is so Australian. That would be me.

Do you like him? Or like like him? That would be a common question in the house.

Intense music.

Cue scripted group conversation.

Why do some have amazing make up and some look like they just woke up?

Andrew G should be avaliable for this show. SO HOT.

"Deepen your relationship" what. this has been only a few weeks

Snezanna. First of all thats a cray name. Also why does she make it all about her daughter?

Cue repeated sayings. "One of us could go home" "This could be my last chance, I could go home"

Cue totally planned torrential rain. Notebook copying.

Group date. More like orgy.

Is it legal to marry 7 wives still? Why not have 5 Sam?

Champagne at any hour. This show is just happy hour every five minutes.

How does he remember their names? And each date plan?

Why is Lana dressed like a 15 year old? Not sure about that headband.

"Typically attracted to girls smarter than me" Classic line.

All the movements are sooo staged.

WINE. AGAIN.

They just must get hammered. And when they first get sober together its awkward.

"Why are you still single?" Said every guy ever

Moment. Time. Feelings. Beautiful. Love. Falling. EVERY SECOND WORD IN THIS SHOW.

Intense romantic music again.

I feel like these are conversations I wouldn't want to reveal on National TV

KISSING IS SO AWKWARD. Its so staged.

Do they don't go ahh cameras everywhere?

Classic close up shots of hands, lips.

This house would be so nasty and so much PMS at one time.

"Lana is so confident." SO ARE YOU

'One of us is gonna end up with Sam' OH REALLY

'Devastated if it's not you at the end' - There are other ways to date…

"to my daughter…I love my daughter...etc etc" We get it. You have a daughter.

Dude, did you really come in here wanting a child?

*Flirt excessively like you're 15*

Zzzzzzz BORING

"My whole life is about her" SHIT, when is there time for Sam???

Music gets intense.

Heather is the natural gal. PICK HER.

Japanese chef not impressed.

OOO he thinks they are friends. Awkward. He doesn't want to ruin it.

She can't get romantic...I mean she called him "dude"

Ooop HEATHER JUST GOT FRIENDZONED

"Do you feel fireworks with us?" LOL does anyone?

WINE. AGAIN. AND CHEESE.

Sarah and Sam look like they've been together for years.

*Slow motion kiss in over saturated editing*

If you can't talk about your emotions...then this won't help him get a quick answer.

He is a very comfortable and feelings guy.

HE LOOKS LIKE KEN. SO MUCH MAKEUP.

SO CLEAN. FLAWLESS.

You did not just say that. "You're quite a catch"

KISSING AGAIN.

*Awkward flirty laugh cause of cameras*

Is this filmed over different days? Cause he is wearing different outfits every five mins.

He hasn't seen "the real me."

*Flashblack to MORE KISSING*

Awkward sexual tension.

"Mum trying to cut my grass" YOU DON"T SAY THAT

Does he plan these dates?

WINE.

Why did he let her get rained on? Not romantic at all.

#girlpower - "never had a girlfriend like that" AWKS

"I HAVE A REALLY BIG DECISION TO MAKE" WE KNOW.

THIS SCENE WITH ALL THE GIRLS DOLLED UP IS LIKE THE REAL HOUSE OF MELBOURNES REUNION.

BITCH MODE IS ON.

Lana is playing this game right. YOU GO GIRL. RESPECT.

Sarah CALM DOWN. SHE IS GETTING MADDDD

CAT FIGHT.

TOO much alcohol. That's the problem.

THINGS ARE GONNA GET NASTYYYY. Sarah is on the prowl. REOW.

LOL HOMETOWNS ARE GONNA GO OFF.

Rose ceremony timeeee. This is such a classic.

*Thoughts thoughts thoughts aloud*

Have these girls never dated before?

Snezanna looks like Kylie Jenner's step mum.

Cue intense music.

Sarah: "everytime I see him I get more feelings" PLZ

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON"

EVERYBODY HATES LANA SHOW.

"Shocked an old girl is going home" PLZ

*Thoughts thoughts thoughts aloud*

CUE TEARS AND DRAMATIC MUSIC.

Why is there always one crying contestant? Do they select them carefully and give them tear duct surgery to continually cry?

Nina was being too bitchy in her thoughts it stuffed her chances. Soz.

OH no your makeup!

Don't worry you have Tinder now.

Geez she got kicked into a Taxi quickly. SEE YA NINA.

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