Note: This post discusses body dysmorphia and abuse.
Have you ever looked at your life and wondered why it wasn't going the way you wanted it?
While there could be a lot of reasons for this (we've all been there), one of the things you may want to consider is your boundaries — or lack there of.
According to the American Psychological Association, boundaries are defined as "a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity."
And when healthy boundaries are not enforced in our lives, things can become a little...dare we say...murky in relationships and, frankly, within ourselves.
So when a healthy boundary is set, one may notice that their life has changed for the better.
So to exactly find out how setting boundaries can affect one's everyday life, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about a time where they set an impactful boundary. And the answers ranged quite a bit — we gathered some for you to read below.
1. "I have always hated hugging, so when the pandemic hit, the whole social distancing thing was very much embraced by me. When I would hug others, I only did so because I thought I had to. It has always been part of society, and I thought people would be mad if I didn't. Let's just say, my love language is definitely not touch. However, once I didn't have to either begrudgingly hug my family or dodge hugs from friends, I refused to go back. I told everybody in my life that they're to cease and desist any and all invasion of my personal bubble."
"Some were offended. Some made jokes about forcing me to hug them, which I didn't find funny at all. I was prepared to push those people away with great force if needed. So far, all of the people in my life have respected my wishes, and it's been awesome! I love not having others touching me. It lets me breathe a bit more."
2. "I make my dad pay a fine every time he makes a negative comment about my body. His way of solving problems has always been by throwing money at it. So I decided to start speaking his language. He calls me fat? We go shopping. He says I look a bit 'round'? Whoops, looks like I’m getting new shoes. It honestly has worked wonders and now my brother does it too. P.S. My dad is a lovely, kind person, he just needed a lil' retraining."
—Anonymous
3. "My oldest sister is extremely toxic — she has really serious control issues. Because I'm the youngest of five girls, in her mind, I'm not allowed to set boundaries. She's 44. A few years ago, she had a business trip to New Mexico planned, and wanted to make it a family trip as well, thinking it would be fun for her seven kids (who were all under 15 at the time) to spend two weeks in the New Mexico heat in July. Sure. The problem was, she would only have time for them in the evening, since she had conferences to attend during the day. She needed a babysitter."
Since I'm her sister, obviously I'd do it for free, right? I said no. I had other plans with friends, and I had a new kitten I couldn't leave. Cue her having an epic meltdown. I put the phone down without hanging up, came back 30 minutes later, and she hadn't even noticed I left; she was still screaming about how I hated her and her kids. Long story short, I ended up going, but it was for the kids, and it was hell.
But it was the last straw. I vowed I would never let her or anyone else trample my boundaries ever again. It started me on a very freeing path to cutting her out of my life completely, and I am so much happier for it. On our last interaction, she gave me 'permission' to date my now-husband, who is Mexican, because she thought he 'looked white enough.' Very, very happy to be free and no longer have to dread her phone calls."
—Anonymous
4. "Growing up in a family with three girls and one boy (my brother was the youngest), my parents spoiled my brother so much that even us sisters were forced to give in to his whims. However, I set a boundary while we were days away from a siblings' trip to California. My brother boldly asked us how much spending money are we going to give him, to which my dad demanded me to hand over money."
"But I stood my ground and said that I am not giving any money to him. He had a lot of time to save and his spending money is not my responsibility. My dad then said the most BS thing I've ever been told: 'What if in the future, I will be the one who will need money and my brother will not lend me money because he will remember how I didn't give him any.' Still makes me upset to think about it to this day."
5. "I set boundaries with my neighbor who was sexually interested in my husband. After I told her to stop texting him, she did NOT like being called out. And yes, I also set boundaries with my husband (e.g. to stop texting her, block her on social media, etc.). Going through that experience was one of the first times I prioritized myself and my mental health above anyone else's."
"My husband and I are now good. We haven't talked to the neighbor in over a year."
6. "I used to work for a company that had a bad habit of taking their best employees for granted by expecting them to go above and beyond all the time without explicitly saying so. They would tell you that they don't want you to work overtime (it was always unpaid, anyway), but they would also set deadlines and expectations that made it impossible not to. They knew that those of us who valued our jobs would do whatever it took to get the job done, even if it broke us, while our CEO talked down to us about 'not working hard enough.' It became even worse once we started working from home because the line between work life and home life was blurred dramatically."
"However, in summer 2021, I finally quit — and despite having told them well in advance that I was looking for another job, they were somehow still shocked and appalled. Now that I'm at my new job, I have set boundaries for myself. I refuse to let my life revolve around my job as I did for so many years. I work my 9-to-5 that I am paid for, and live my life outside of that. I realize this should be standard and not something that is radical in any way, but companies can really take advantage of you, and it can be so easy to just let them.
Now that I've set this boundary for myself, I'm...happy? My boyfriend and I enjoy each other's company so much more. Household chores don't feel nearly as overwhelming, and I'm able to take time for my hobbies without feeling guilty for doing so. If you're only paid for eight hours a day, you should only be working for eight hours a day. In the office, you're replaceable, at home you aren't. Pay your bills, but live your life."
—Anonymous
7. "I've been an online student before the pandemic. I just prefer the format and, honestly, do a lot better that way. But my family saw it as just an excuse for me to not get a job — when in reality, I'm a full-time student and my daily routine is fairly similar to those who actually attend classes in person. My family would ask me to pick my cousins up from school, watch them all day on their breaks, even if they didn't coincide with mine. My dad actually said that 'I wasn't even a student because I didn't go to class in person.'"
"Finally, I had to stand up for myself and tell them that I work just as hard as a normal college student and that just because I was at home during the day, it didn't mean I wasn't busy with my own work. I told them that if I was actually living on campus, they wouldn't be treating me like this. It took a while, but I think they finally came around. Although it was really annoying how their opinion of online classes changed after COVID, especially since my brother started college. Suddenly, it's just as good as an in-person college to them. My dad even enjoys working from home now and decided to make the change permanent."
8. "For the past five years, every time I've seen a doctor, they would only see me as an "over 40, overweight person who had an office job" and would often dismiss the intense physical pain that I've had for ages. I finally channeled my frustration and drafted a three-page, bullet-pointed health summary, which included all of my known issues, medications, suspected issues, and hopes for the future. Then I made my doctor sit down and go through it with me."
"From there, we were able to draft a better plan of treatment and she (finally) referred me to a pain management specialist. As it turns out, I have spinal arthritis, severe piriformis syndrome, and possible coccyx damage from a fall several years ago.
Just one epidural steroid injection has improved my pain by 85–90%. If I hadn't set my boundary and advocated for myself, I'd still be in pain and dismissed by the people who are supposed to help."
—Anonymous
9. "My daughter had a little girl, and I babysat for her a few hours a day. My daughter then asked if I'd babysit for a week while she went on vacation. I did. Well, the one week a year turned into two, then three or four weeks a year. That's when I started saying no. But when COVID hit in March 2020, my boyfriend and I were living together, and he had been vomiting for two days. This is also when the US shut down the country to avoid the spread. However, my daughter wanted me to babysit so she could take off to Utah."
"I said no and gave my reasons. My daughter wrote me a long message about how I was a rotten grandmother and has refused to talk to me for the last two years. I set my boundary but it came at a high price."
—Anonymous
10. "A year ago, I lost my infant son. Since then, I have set boundaries for people to not share things with me that have to do with babies or infant loss. I've started to ease my way into being OK with hearing about someone announcing their pregnancy and announcing the birth of a child, but it's still a tough subject for me."
—Anonymous
11. "Because of the way my husband’s brain works, he’ll forget a few things and only remembers once he starts talking. So if he talks to me about something difficult, like maybe how he's feeling like his needs aren’t being met emotionally (which is fine and good and necessary), he’ll also start talking about something else (like maybe how I'm not doing a chore correctly). This can be a lot for me, so when this happens and he inadvertently dumps all this on me at once, I tell him to stop and maybe write down other issues to talk about later."
"It keeps me from feeling overwhelmed if the issues are tough, but it makes him feel heard and understood. It’s a boundary we’ve had for a few years, and it’s improved our marriage."
12. "I realized weighing myself triggered bad eating habits and unhealthy behaviors, so I stopped. That alone felt good, but then the next time I went to the doctor, I told the staff, 'I intentionally don't know my own weight.' They had to take it down for the exam, but told me this was no problem, and had me turn my back to the numbers on the scale — they didn't show or tell me the number. I've used a variation of this line a few times in other contexts, and honestly, it's the best thing I've ever done for my health, both physically and mentally."
