1. Oasis - Wonderwall
Lyrics can’t get much stupider than “All the roads we have to walk are winding.” Plus the singer sounds like a gurgling frog verging upon death when he sings the monotonous chorus that is one note repeated over and over in astounding obnoxiousness.
2. The Killers - Mr. Brightside
Plagiarism doesn’t get any worse than using the most famous melody of all time - Beethoven’s theme from Ode to Joy - as the guitar solo. The stupid rhyme where he’s says “Now She’s touching his…” but doesn’t say “dick” is purely retarded.
3. Pink - Rockstar
The song is obviously an attempt to to copy Gwen Stefani’s “Rich Girl.” And why does Pink think we care about her husband and her rock moves? Plus, she’s not even a rock star. She’s a pop star.
4. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl
Pure Dogshit. It postures like its Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life,” but really comes of as an orange juice commercial. If he sang about orange juice, the song would be better.
5. Eric Clapton - Layla
The guitar riff isn’t all that bad. However, one the verse begins were in the realm of pure awful. Clapton is 100% honkey, and his tortured attempt to sing in a “bluesy” style fails miserably.
6. Maroon 5 - And She Will Be Loved
This music is a total disaster. The band attempts to fuse funkiness and coldplay. It’s an existential disaster. Plus, the chord progression is a rip off of Cheap Trick’s “The Flame.”
7. Train - Hey Soul Sister
This band of total douchebags made a ukulele version of Black Eyed Peas “Where is the Love,” and thought they had changed the world.
8. John Mayer - Waiting for the World to Change
Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” is an amazing and timeless classic… Why did you do this to it?
9. All American Rejects - Gives You Hell
Weezer + Train. A bad idea from the get go.
10. Seal - Kiss From a Rose
Seal is a likable guy. And much of is music is o.k. And this song wouldn’t be that bad had he not sung “my power, my pleasure, my pain.”
11. Aerosmith - I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing
For a band this talented to make such a generic peace of shit is a real sin against nature.
12. Plain White T’s - Hey There Delilah
This would be a really good song for a 6th grade talent show… but the fact that it became a huge hit propels into the realm of horrible. But these guys have hope. They know how to craft a good melody and a dynamic tune.
13. Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
I’m the only one and I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone. Green Day is a train wreck of wasted opportunity. They hit a sweet spot with Dookie, then they decided to become the next Oasis.
14. Paula Cole - Where Have All the Cowboys Gone
Yippee Yo Yippe Yea!
15. The Verve Pipe - The Freshman
16. Nickelback - How You Remind Me
These guys give it a good try. But they are just bad. No big foul.
17. Soundgarden - Spoonman
Chris Cornell has a good voice… but it’s painfully decontextual in this tune. And the whole concept just doesn’t make sense. How can the spoonman come together with his hands to save me? Really? It’s just nuts. And the intensity of the the odd time signature just make the failure of the lyrical content more glaring.
18. Ke$ha featuring 3OH!3 - Blah Blah Blah
This song would be just bad, but what makes it awful is the contribution of 3OH!3. What the f are those guys doing? Is that a rap?
19. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
Verse = lame Strokes copy.
Chorus = lame Modest Mouse copy. Wow! We can copy 2 bands with a tempo change in between the copying!
20. Metallica - Enter Sandman
Not Spooky. Disney’s Peter Pan movie rocks harder. This is the low point in Metallica’s career.
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