1. 1,500 Live Ladybugs
Customer review: "I really only wanted about 100 ladybugs but 1500 was the only amount I could find. Hirt's shipped them very quickly and I had them in less than a week even being shipped to an APO address. My wife about killed me for getting the bugs."
2. A Single Magic Card
Oh man, guys, there is a whole WORLD of creepy single Magic cards out there, waiting to be shipped to your nemesis.
3. A Pet Memorial Kit
This tasteful wooden box comes complete with a workbook full of "meaningful activities." Hey, have you seen Fluffy lately?
4. Baby Eels In Olive Oil
Or, for those who need eels in a hurry, these eels are available on Prime.
5. A Threatening Sign
:)
6. 1,000 Live Crickets
Like ladybugs, but with more jumping around.
7. A Pig Head Mask
oh gahd
8. 300 Nasal Plugs
100% virgin! And non-linting!
9. A Frozen Rabbit
I mean, this is actually a nice gift for someone who likes to cook. But there are definite Fatal Attraction vibes.
10. Professional-Grade Handcuffs
YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG, LONG TIME, BUDDY.
11. A 6-Foot-Tall Teddy Bear
GIANT TEDDYâ„¢ JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU
FOREVER
12. 20 Super-Absorbent Vomit Bags
Your nemesis may become so overpowered by dread that these become immediately useful.
13. A Venus Fly Trap
Only $10, including shipping. A steal!
14. 32 Ounces Of Wolf Urine
This is one of those products that the Amazon troll universe has embraced, so basically all the reviews are jokes. But Deerbusters seems pretty sincere, TBH.
16. A Bucket of Freeze-Dried Liver
Send only if your enemy does NOT have a dog.
17. Clear Jel
Who doesn't love a clear jel?
19. A Surgical Skin Stapler
"Hey, just in case you need this anytime soon!"
20. 1,000 Black Plastic Cable Ties
What, haven't you seen 50 Shades?
21. An Articulated Pigeon Skeleton
Susan, I think it's watching me.
Susan?
OH GOD, SUSAN
