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Weddings

5 Big-Batch Drinks That Will Get Your Bridal Shower Guests Drunk AF

Your mom, aunts, and all their friends are going to have a GREAT time.

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How many times have you ever heard someone say, "Yo, that bridal shower was LIT"?

Zero? Zero.

For those of you who don't know, a wedding shower is an event typically thrown by a bride's female relatives or friends approximately two months before her wedding. It usually includes food and a couple of silly games, but the main activity is watching the bride open the gifts the guests are "showering" her with. And of all of the bizarre pre-wedding rituals that strongly reinforce traditional gender stereotypes, bridal showers may win the award for the gender stereotypingest.

Showers also typically don't involve booze. Why IS that? Because "proper" young ladies would never imbibe, let alone get shitfaced at 2 p.m. in the afternoon while surrounded by their aunts and grandmas? Hard to say.

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Obviously we DGAF about "proper" feminine decorum, so we created some delicious big-batch cocktail recipes that are guaranteed to improve any wedding shower experience.

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

Cup: Party City.

Nothing makes opening presents in front of a crowd and playing wedding shower games exciting quite like bourbon does!

These recipes are all written to yield enough for 10-12 people and should fit in a large pitcher or a punch bowl (total volumes range between 1/2 - 2/3 of a gallon). Generally, it's nice to serve these drinks over ice (to ~stay chill~ and dilute the booze level a little bit) but you're also welcome not to.

But you can use the volume ratios to multiply/divide quantities and make bigger or smaller batches, depending on how big your serving container is and how many drinkers you'll have.

In short: we're here to help you get your mom, grandma, and all their friends fuuuucked up.

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

Flask: Urban Outfitters. Glass: BHLDN.

(SRSLY, make sure you have extra crustless cucumber sandwiches on hand when serving these drinks.)

1. Made of Dishonor

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

Napkins: BHLDN. Punch bowl and cups: vintage.

This spin on the classic Pink Panty-Dropper punch swaps vodka for tequila (the key ingredient of every legendary night out) and adds Campari for a grown-up edge (try Aperol instead if you don't like the bitterness of Campari). I highly recommend making it with the citrusy delight that is Bud Light Lime, but any cheap, extra pale beer will do. Serves 10-12.

INGREDIENTS

2 lemons

1 grapefruit

1 ½ cups (12 ounces) frozen pink lemonade concentrate (not thawed)

2 cups tequila

1 cup Campari or Aperol

6 cups (4 12-ounce cans or bottles) of light beer, chilled

Ratio: 2 parts Campari : 3 parts lemonade concentrate : 4 parts tequila : 12 parts beer

INSTRUCTIONS

The night before serving: Wash the lemons and grapefruit, and slice them into ¼"-thick rounds (removing seeds). Lay flat in a Tupperware container with plastic wrap in between each layer, and freeze overnight.

To make punch: Stir together frozen lemonade concentrate, tequila, and Campari in punch bowl until well-mixed. Pour in beer slowly (you may get a lot of foam, but it will settle pretty quickly). Stir and float frozen citrus slices on top. Serve with or without ice and garnish with lemon slices.

2. Deflower Girl

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed Life

Pitcher: Anthropologie. Glass: BHLDN.

This drink is perfect for a country girl bride: pretty, fizzy, and sweet, but watch out — it's got thorns (i.e. lots of bourbon). Using seedless jam or jelly is a great shortcut that means zero berry-muddling for you. (No one EVER has time to muddle. Don't pretend you love to muddle.) This would also be delicious with gin instead of bourbon if you like it better. Serves 10-12.

INGREDIENTS

½ cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

½ cup seedless raspberry, blackberry or mixed berry preserves

2 cups bourbon

3 cups (2 12-oz. cans or bottles) ginger beer, chilled

1 750-ml bottle sparkling rosé wine, chilled

2 cups frozen blackberries and/or raspberries

Ratio: 1 part lemon juice : 1 part preserves : 4 parts bourbon : 6 parts ginger beer : 6 parts rosé

INSTRUCTIONS

Stir lemon juice and jam together in a large bowl or pitcher until thoroughly mixed and smooth. Add bourbon and chill until cold. Before serving, add ginger beer and sparkling wine, mix well, and add frozen berries. Serve with or without ice and garnish with frozen berries.

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3. Happily Ever Drunker

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

Drink dispenser: Pottery Barn. Napkins: BHLDN.

You could definitely get away with pretending this drink is an innocent pitcher full of infused water. So fresh and so clear! Consider it the liquid equivalent of doing shots at the spa. St. Germain liqueur will add a nice floral note, but no big deal if you can't find it. Serves 10-12.

INGREDIENTS

1 English cucumber, thinly sliced

2 lemons, washed and thinly sliced into rounds

Fresh mint sprigs (a couple handfuls)

1 750-ml bottle dry white wine (sauvignon blanc or vinho verde would be good)

2 cups vodka

½ cup (4 ounces) St. Germain elderflower liqueur (optional)

2 cups lemon-lime soda

2 cups seltzer

Ratio: 1 part St. Germain : 4 parts vodka : 4 parts Sprite: 4 parts seltzer : 6 parts white wine

INSTRUCTIONS

Add cucumber slices, lemon slices, and mint to pitcher. Pour in white wine, vodka, and St. Germain (if using). Chill until cold and cucumber is slightly softened, at least 30 minutes. Add soda and seltzer and stir. Serve over ice and garnish with mint sprigs.

4. It's LIIT

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

Pitcher: Anthropologie.

The South and the North come together in this joyful union of many liquors. Heads up that this twist on the Long Island Iced Tea does have a significant amount of caffeine in it, from the sweet tea base, so think of it as a kind of classy, DIY Four Loko (and proceed with caution). Serves 10-12.

INGREDIENTS

4 cups water

6 bags black tea (Lipton or Luzianne)

1/2 cup sugar

1 cup vodka

1 cup gin

1 cup rum

1 cup tequila

1/2 cup Triple Sec (orange-flavored) liqueur

1/2 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

lemon wedges for garnish

Ratio: 1 part Triple Sec : 1 part lemon juice : 2 parts vodka : 2 parts gin : 2 parts rum : 2 parts tequila : 8 parts sweet tea

INSTRUCTIONS

The night before serving: Boil water and pour over tea bags in pitcher. Steep 5 minutes, remove bags, and stir in sugar until dissolved. Chill overnight or until cool.

To make punch: Add vodka, gin, rum, tequila, triple sec, and lemon juice, and chill again until cold. Serve over ice with lemon wedges.

5. Say Yes To Getting Undressed

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

This is a neon-orange love child of the mysterious "jungle juice" that haunted your college years and a classic Jamaican rum punch. It is also the real explanation for how the Kool-Aid man got wasted enough to crash through all those walls. Squeeze a gazillion limes in advance; otherwise it's so simple to make that you could definitely mix up extra batches even after you're several glasses in.

INGREDIENTS

1 orange

2 limes

2 cups cold water

1/3 cup sweetened Kool-Aid drink mix powder (any red flavor)

1 cup white overproof rum (Wray & Nephew)

1 cup dark rum

1 cup coconut rum (Malibu)

2 cups pineapple juice

2 cups orange juice

1 cup freshly squeezed lime juice

Ratio: 1 part lime juice : 1 part Malibu : 1 part white rum : 1 part dark rum : 2 parts Kool-Aid syrup : 2 parts pineapple juice : 2 parts orange juice

INSTRUCTIONS

The night before serving: Wash the orange and limes and slice them into ¼"-thick rounds (removing seeds). Lay flat in a Tupperware with plastic wrap in between each layer, and freeze overnight.

To make punch: Mix Kool-Aid powder and water in your punch bowl until completely dissolved (this will be more concentrated than it would be according to package instructions). Stir in the rums, all juices, and chill until cold. Float frozen citrus slices on top. Serve over ice and garnish with lime slices.

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