1. Just because we don't live in London, you don't need to talk to us like we're small children.
2. That said, we'd like you to meet us at Euston station when we come to visit.
3. You may know London like the back of your hand, but please remember that we don't.
4. We feel pretty smug about being able to drive to work in half an hour.
5. And about being able to get a round for under a tenner.
Hare and Hounds in Foulridge Lancashire. Beer £2 a pint! Makes a southerner weep.
£7 for a glass of wine? Are you having a laugh? You can still get a pint with a head on for £2 in Manchester.
6. We remember when you were up for pie, chips, and gravy on a Friday night.
7. You've started losing your accent, which makes us sad.
8. And we really don't understand why you've started wearing a coat out.
9. It's OK when people who work in shops chat to you.
10. We love your taxi drivers though.
11. That said, we don't get why you all quibble over Uber fares.
12. We know you earn loads more money than us, and we're very proud of you.
There's no nobility in poverty. I've been a poor man and I've been a rich man. I choose rich every fucking time.
But it’s all relative, because we can go out on a Saturday night and still come home with change from £50.
13. But we can buy a two bedroom flat for less than £100,000.
14. There's loads to see and do in London, but there's plenty of choice up North too.
15. There are hipsters outside of London too.
You can’t move in Manchester’s Northern Quarter for vintage shops, blokes with beards, and tattoos. And let's not forget Earnest, the Chorlton Hipster Elephant.
16. There's no need to walk so fast.
17. Our sports are waaaay better than yours.
18. We secretly think online dating must be much easier for you.
19. But the main thing we don't understand is: What is it with the black snot?
@perrigame Black bogeys are the least funny thing about London.....oh wait, there's more.....
After a day in London you blow your nose and black bogeys come out. That’s just gross. Give me back my clean, country air!
20. Really, we just miss you.
