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1. A case of Soylent for anyone who's ever wanted to drink all of their meals instead of having to chew like an IDIOT.
2. A whiskey wedge and glass to give your old favorite libation a new ~slant~.
3. A Soda Stream so you can make seltzer from scratch. Yeah, that's right, I said "from scratch" like a cake or pie crust. Seltzer deserves the same reverence as our grandmothers' recipes.
4. A set of four Himalayan salt tequila glasses with a wood serving tray to give your shots the salty finish that will elevate top- and bottom- shelf tequila alike.
5. A bottle rack for finally organizing the unstable mountain of water bottles that have accumulated in your cabinets. Dismantle Mount Bottle and give those cuties a forever home!
6. A Cuisinart electric juicer to extract all that liquid gold out of your citrus. This one has three pulp settings, so you can select your perfect level of the good stuff. (Even though maximum pulp is the only right answer. Yes, I'm from Florida, why do you ask?)
7. OR, to get a little fancier, a citrus press for pulverizing fruit with a simple squeeze. Why is the citrus press not included in the "Simple Machines" lesson plan in elementary school when it's the only simple machine that even matters?
8. An incredible La Croix lapel pin that speaks for itself.
9. A pretty floral water bottle to give your collection a little pizazz. It's also made by The Pioneer Woman, and I think she probably gets her beverage on better than any of us.
10. A French press travel mug — apparently all the times I squeezed my eyes shut and wished with all of my might that I could drink coffee right out of a French press PAID OFF!
11. Some '90s jazz cup print swimwear that says "Yeah, I liked beverages before it was cool."
12. A copy of A History of the World in Six Glasses, which takes a look at human history chronologically through the eras of beer, wine, spirits, coffee, tea, and Coca-Cola. The epilogue is about water, which is fitting considering the tears I'll be shedding after reading a book so beautiful.
14. A pack of Bottle Bright tabs to fix your most dire mistakes. During a lifetime of toting tumblers around everywhere you go, you're bound to forget to clean one eventually. We no longer have to toss our fallen comrades in disgust, but can instead restore them to their former glory!
16. A matcha tea set and matcha powder that will make all of your fellow beverage-lovers *green* with envy.
17. A bubble tea kit so you can get that satisfying boba experience without, ya know, having to put on real clothes and leave the house.
18. A set of gold colored metal straws because your drinks deserve nothing but the absolute best. If I could plug a diamond straw I would, but gold is pretty great, too.
19. A KeepCup so you can cut down on paper products and still indulge in your daily cortado habit.
20. A Simplicity Teas subscription that will help you explore the big, exciting world of hot tea. Anyone who thinks that tea is boring needs to reevaluate their life, send Tweet.
21. A kombucha brewing kit because the only way you could love that fizzy tea more is if you made it yourself. This scoby is your child now.
22. A sheep teapot warmer that's just un-bahhh-leaveably cute.
23. A pair of Coke Zero earrings so you can accessorize with your most controversial beverage opinion. Let me just take this time to say publicly: I love Coke Zero, and I'm proud!
24. A cold brew maker. Iced bean juice is a cold and expensive god, but now you can save a little money worshiping it — I mean — making it in your own home.
25. An infusion pitcher for making water even BETTER. I can't believe it's possible to make earth's greatest substance more incredible, but this pitcher makes it so.
26. A beer tasting journal to keep track of all the kooky new brews you're always trying.
27. And of course a hand screen printed greeting card that is an ode to the GOAT: every beverage.
Glug away, fellow beverage enthusiasts!
Equally excited about snacking? Head to 27 Of The Best Places To Buy Food Gifts Online or 15 Of The Best Places To Order Chocolate Online to hit that craving.
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