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13 Times Amazon Dash Failed So Hard It Won

I can't tell if these are the worst or the best...

Have y'all heard of Amazon Dash? Basically, they're little buttons connected to Wi-Fi that let you order specific products with one touch.


(It still takes two days for your Prime order to come, so I feel bad for whoever is sitting on the toilet waiting for their Dash refill.)

They basically seem like magic. I want to press one just so that I can get something instantly delivered and feel like a goddess. / Via GIPHY

Let's be real: If I had a magic lamp, I'd probably use up all my wishes on instant bottles of coconut water or on-demand Q-tips.

But some of them are so stupid... if not pointless:

1. Wilson Jones 3 Ring Binders


How much homework is being done in your home that you need 3 ring binders on-demand? Let your child go outside and play Pokémon Go. Life's too short.

2. New Chapter Wholemega Fish Oil Dash Button


If you're consuming fish oil at such a rapid pace that you need an Amazon Dash button for it, you're probably healthy enough that you do things like leave your house and go to the store to buy vitamins.

3. Slim Jim


Isn't the whole point of Slim Jims that you buy them at gas stations on a whim? Why do this on purpose, systematically?

4. Nerf


Life hack: Instead of buying this, just go into your neighbor's yard and get the Nerf balls you accidentally threw over their fence.

5. Nature Valley


Easily the most crumb-filled Dash order. Hands down.

6. Dude


Owning a magic button to buy on-demand butt wipes for dudes is the most 2016-Tech thing imaginable.

7. Campbell's Chunky Soup


Buying regular Campbell's soup instantly is one thing, but the buck stops at Chunky.

8. Mentos


If you or someone you love has a Mentos habit so extreme that they need a Dash button for it, help is out there.



Having a FIJI Dash is purely a status symbol... just be a normal person like the rest of us and buy the Dasani one. Show off!

10. Trojan


Actually, this is the biggest Dash status-symbol.

11. AZO Urinary Tract Health


Just as urgent but significantly less fun than the Trojan button.

12. Play-Doh


If we, as a planet, start to order a new ball of clean dough every time a child swirls together their colors into a gross ugly mess, we're screwed. This is how Wall-E happened.

13. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Doritos


I'm done.

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