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    Oct 7, 2015

    68 Things Living In Sheffield For Five Years Will Teach You

    It's reyt good.

    1. "Love", "duck", and "flower" are all perfectly acceptable things to call your bus driver.

    2. And if you don't thank the bus driver when you get off, old ladies will tut at you.

    3. Despite any feelings that you might have had about the place beforehand, you've come to view Leeds as the enemy.

    4. Although you'd still choose to shop there over Meadowhall.

    5. The omnipresent Sheffield "t'" is silent. You're not "going down TER pit." You're "going down [silent sucking of teeth] pit".

    6. A jennel is a thing and it's often the quickest way to get from A to B.

    7.You not only know what a pikelet it is, but you also struggle to call it anything else.

    8. Supertram is not so super.

    9. You've stared death in the face and its name is the Arts Tower paternoster lift.

    10. If you've got a while to wait for the bus at Moorfoot, you can always pop into Middletons and look at a hamster.

    11. Speaking of bus stops, you could probably identify which one you're at blindfolded based purely on the person shouting "LAAAATE STAR".

    12. In your friendship group, there is definitely a climber, a cyclist, and someone who enjoys weasling.

    13. And you'll probably have a Go Outdoors membership card yourself from that weekend when you bought a cagoule and promised yourself you'd go out into the Peaks more often.

    14. No portion of chips is complete without a sprinkling of scraps.

    15. And probably some gravy.

    16. It's always thrilling when you go to Waterstones and your trip coincides with the Orchard Square clock characters popping out and doing their thing.

    17. It's Cole Brothers, not John Lewis.

    18. The Bingham and Browne monkey is the best thing about the Moor Market.

    19. Being asked to put the wood in the hole is not a sexual innuendo.

    20. About Penistone. It's penny-ston, not penis-tone. Definitely, definitely, not penis-tone.

    21. You'll figure out how to pronounce Oughtibridge eventually.

    22. Taking your slippers to someone's house for the evening is totally acceptable.

    23. Ben and Jerry's pales in comparison to Our Cow Molly.

    24. And Hendo's is not just Worcester sauce in a different bottle.

    25. You can tell a lot about a person by their choice of shopping street: Moor, Fargate, or Division.

    26. In a city of half a million, you WILL see at least three people you know on the bus at any given time.

    27. Probably when you're hungover.

    28. There's no such thing as a quick drink after work on a Friday, because everyone wants to go home and get dressed up first.

    29. Or eat their tea.

    30. Crossing West Street in heels is a disaster waiting to happen.

    31. Your friends on Instagram will always make better use of the proximity to the countryside than you come the weekend.

    32. But now that we have Deliveroo and Lucky Fox exists, why would you want to spend a Saturday anywhere except bed anyway?

    33. You can't walk down any street in town without bumping into a new wanky coffee place.

    34. Or craft beer pub.

    35. Hearing people with really broad Sheffield accents never gets old.

    36. Tramlines is a bloody nightmare and anyone over 30 who pretends to enjoy it is lying.

    37. You'll always be considered a soft git if you order either a half pint or a shandy.

    38. Dore is barely Sheffield.

    39. And so is Stocksbridge, but for very different reasons.

    40. Running through the fountains in the Peace Gardens is always an option…

    41. …and it's never a sensible one.

    42. Five Guys is the only reason to visit Centertainment.

    43. There are only seven Taco Bells in the UK, and two of them are in Sheffield.

    44. Plus there's one in Barnsley. South Yorkshire: taco capital of the UK.

    45. It's not worth going to any pub in Tudor Square when the snooker's on.

    46. Unless you like lads in waistcoats.

    47. Sheffield knee is a real and present danger for anyone who lives up a hill.

    48. The Picture House revival is the best thing to have happened to Abbeydale Road in a long time.

    49. Everyone over 35 has a Jarvis Cocker story.

    50. And everyone under 35 claims to have gone to school with Jessica Ennis.

    51. You know there is no finer theatrical company in the land than the Manor Operatic. (RIP Dame Brian. Simply the best, indeed.)

    52. Social hierarchy is determined by whether you're more West Street or Devonshire Street on a night out.

    53. You signed the Save Devonshire Street petition, even though you've never been in Rare & Racy.

    54. Most of the world's problems have been solved in the Fat Cat.

    55. Most of the night out's problems have been started in the Cavendish.

    56. There are no warehouses left that haven't been turned into an apartment block with a name like Steel Lofts @ S2.

    57. It's the greenest city in the country, allegedly, but everyone will still gather on the same tiny patch of Dev Green the second the sun comes out.

    58. Guests from London spontaneously burst into tears at the size of your house.

    59. And back garden.

    60. And front garden.

    61. A Sunday spent in the Antiques Quarter is a Sunday well spent. And money well spent too: You definitely needed that ceramic swan.

    62. You've heard people talk about what happens on night buses but you wouldn't know, given that Sheffield's transport system basically shuts down at 11pm.

    63. You can approximate the age of any Sheffielder simply by asking which version of Corporation they used to attend.

    64. And you will never meet anyone who hasn't made at least one terrible life mistake at Corp.

    65. The unabashed friendliness of locals ruins every other city for you.

    66. And if you like beer, you'll probably struggle to live in any other city too.

    67. But why would you want to leave? There's a reason everyone who comes to uni here decides to stay.

    68. Because it's the best chuffin' city in the world.

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