Being A Newlywed Husband In 2014

The times they are a changin'. I love my wife, that's a given. (Still feels weird saying "wife".) But all the stories and advice you get from your parents and grandparents means little in 2014. It's not like we have the Pony Express or Dick Van Dyke to come home to on TV every night!

Chivalry is dead! ...but it's really not...but it really is...

It's A Wonderful Life

Didn't you hear?! Women are equal in every way to men in this day and age. Great, I love equality. Seriously. But I feel like instead of a solid line drawn in the sand, it's more of a dotted line of suggestions which leaves all us men more confused about women than we already were!

Can't pay for everything anymore, that's not practical. My wife and I both work and earn for "the family". So why do I get stink eyes when my beautiful wife pays for dinner or groceries? When we go out to dinner it crosses my mind to pull out her chair for her. But who really does that anymore? She didn't notice...or care! But when we get to doors, it's all on me to hold the door open for her or else I'm inconsiderate.

I will do anything for my wife. I'm just going to have to find a delicate balance of running out to the car for her while it's pouring buckets of rain and then coming back with an umbrella so we both EQUALLY can go out and get the car together!

Can't afford a Honeymoon...but we got a KitchenAid Mixer!

1finecookie.com

Weddings are expensive! And we did exactly what two independent 27 year olds would do in our situation, pay for the whole thing ourselves. Then the whole family comes up to us (with faces stuffed full of pricey catering) and asks "Where are you going for your honeymoon?!" My heart just died a little. And my wallet. "Uhh...we're going to wait Aunt Regina." "NOO! You can't wait! You'll never get another chance!" (I would have if I didn't have to invite you and your six sons at the insistence of my mother. Oh look, your sons all brought dates. And their eating the entire cake before I can even finish greeting all of our guests. Fan-flippin'-tastic.)

Instead of a beautiful beach somewhere and a giant honeymoon suite filled to the brim with umbrella drinks, we went home and opened our wedding presents. Thanks Cousin In-Laws for the plastic cake slicer that's shaped like a hand saw. That will definitely come in handy...

Every man wants to provide the dream life for his wife. But this is 2014 and I can barely provide a postcard with a painting of that dream right now. Because of bills like these...

Student Debt isn't just for "Students" anymore...

LA Times

Yes, we're newlyweds with the world at our feet! We can do whatever we want! Live abroad for a year just because! Or travel and experience ALL the foreign cultures! (Including the ones with all the best foods...*drool*...) Oh, wait. I forgot, we're the privileged generation who gets to go to college.

I was very lucky to go to such a nice and prestigious school. Yet, I immediately had to take BS jobs thanks to my costly BS. Several years after graduation I met my now wife. Now that we're married, my debt is hers and vice versa. Unfortunately for her, my tuition was so large...our kids will be suffering from it. Every Tuesday is date night, and we eat Chick-fil-A because that's all we can afford. (Thank god for Netflix, am I right?) Fancy meals with white table cloths are out of the question. Traveling at Christmas to see the family is out of the question. Replacing our cars that we've had since we were 18 is out of the question.

Whatever, it's not the end of the world right? We're still in love! I get to come home every night to my gorgeous new wife! Dinner is usually ketchup packets and my wedding band may be made out of cardboard but we're doing okay! (That is until she asks me if it's time for us to try and get pregnant...then I panic.)

The worst part is that all of this college debt on both of us is my fault. I'm sorry babe.

How Important GoT is To Our Daily Life

BuzzFeed

In the days before TV the whole family would stare at the radio listening to something boring. When TV finally came to be a household thing, there were .5 channels to watch. Again, all boring content. What did a husband and wife do to entertain themselves? Oh wait...I just got why the baby boomers happened.

Never before has a married couple experienced such heartache like they have with Game of Thrones. My wife and I make an event out of it. Our lives literally STOP when a new episode airs. Popcorn is made. Phones are turned off. I lower a cone of silence over our apartment. It's a big deal. Our private lives change. Our social lives change to avoid friends who can't handle spoilers. Nothing has had such a profound effect on a marriage since the Bible.

When Oberyn Martell fought The Mountain, I swear to you my wife cried more when the credits rolled that night than at our wedding. I had to console her for hours. Husbands of the past, you don't know what it's like. You just don't. What? Oh I'm sorry, I was not around to experience Pearl Harbor or similar worldly tragedies with my wife like you have. And I'm very sorry for your loss. But you never experienced the Red Wedding.

Video Games

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Never before has a generation had such a wide variety or access to such profound video games. All newlywed men today grew up with video games of some kind. They are a part of our lives. Well, now that our wives are a part of us too...what do we do?

My wife loves video games. But our taste in games is a tad different. We own every single Lego Xbox 360 game. I convinced her to play Portal 2 with me. But puzzle games will only entertain you for so long. Luckily for me my wife has a bit of a blood lust. Our go to game is the Left 4 Dead series where the entire point of the game is to shoot everything. But what about RPG games with a story? Nope, she has no patience for them. Her brother and his wife gave us Minecraft for Christmas (with an evil smirk on their faces). My wife won't touch it. No guns? No blood? No play.

What is a husband to do? I love my wife and will do anything for her. But a large part of me wants to win the lottery, quit my job, and spend everyday playing WoW. (Don't make fun, the game is amazing. But I've been to AA and I've been clean for years.)

Being a newlywed husband is nothing like what it used to be. Mom? Dad? Take your advice and give it to the Amish. Grandma? Grandpa? Take your advice and give it to Adam and Eve. Nothing compares to being a husband in 2014. 2015, what do you have in store for us?